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A surgical bra you wear under your skin — worth it?

Thanks to a new surgery that you didn’t know you needed, until now, you can live out the dream of eternally bouncing bosoms by having a bra surgically implanted under your skin.

Cast of Baywatch

Photo credit: Hulton Archive/Getty Images

British surgeons have developed an experimental new procedure that places a hardened silicone cup under the skin of each breast and then uses silk straps to bolt the cups to the rib cage with titanium screws, like an internal bra.

What I want to know is who are these ladies who want to wear a bra 24-7? As a mom who has birthed five kids, I’d love it if the girls just faced forward, much less looked perky, so I can see the allure — and yet is there anything more delightful than coming home after a long day and ditching the Playtex for pajamas? So what if your double D’s get a little droopy — that’s just what breasts do.

Plus having two “hardened silicone cups” under my skin seems like it might hurt — a reasonable fear says Dr. Eugene Elliott, a board-certified plastic and reconstructive surgeon at Orange Coast Memorial Medical Center in Fountain Valley, California. “In my experience anything stiff enough to be supportive would likely be very uncomfortable, especially if you ever wanted to lie on your stomach,” he says. Not to mention the pain of having titanium screws drilled into your rib cage — a pain he says would be like having your ribs cracked… times 10.

What we really need to talk about though is the nasty issue of extrusion. Apparently there’s a real risk of the pressure of daily wear and tear forcing the cups out through your skin. If you thought it was bad when you missed a button and flashed your bra at the office, imagine what an impression you’d make if your bra actually popped out of your skin.

So far the surgery has only been performed on three women and the device hasn’t been approved by the FDA. Even when a surgical technique is proven and performed under ideal circumstances, there are still risks and those are amplified for experimental procedures like this that haven’t undergone any clinical testing or studies yet.

And all this for what — to achieve the look of perfectly perky bra-free breasts? Why not just wear a normal bra that you can take off when you want to? This seems like just one more way that women are being told that the normal state of our breasts — from time, childbirth or genetics — is wrong.

Women’s breasts aren’t meant to face forward and stand at attention all the time. Even the Victoria’s Secret Angels get to take off their bras and relax.

More on breasts

From A to DD: Choosing the right sports bra
The connection between breast implants and your sex life
The pros and cons of plastic surgery

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