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5 Ways to stop men from affecting your self-esteem

Men affect our self-esteem more than we would like to admit. It’s hard not to feel down on yourself when he doesn’t call you back, compliment the new hairdo, flirts with other women or doesn’t listen. Although there are a significant number of factors that influence your self-esteem, men should never factor in. Don’t fret ladies — follow these tips and men will no longer make a mark on your self-confidence!

woman waiting for text message

Ladies, if we build our own self-esteem, the men will follow!

Admit it! The men in our lives can easily alter our overall sense of self-worth. After experiencing this problem firsthand, it has allowed me to reevaluate my own self-esteem issues and come up with some advice to help others. Ladies, whether you are 18 or 48, single or married, some of these conversations may sound familiar.

During a coaching session, I remember one teenage girl sharing that she had a huge crush on a guy at school and broke the bank shopping to buy new clothes to impress him. Just last week a single girlfriend called me in freak-out mode about a guy who didn’t call her back for a third date, and then proceeded to tell me what a loser she must be. Another friend of mine called me crying that she was a failure for not being able to balance her family and career after an argument with the husband. If you can relate, then try these five empowering tips that will stop men from shaping our own self-esteem.


Respect yourself

Naturally, we want men to respect us (and they should!). However, we need to respect ourselves first. Make powerful and intelligent choices every day, but be aware and conscious of each and every one of those choices, whether large or small. Choose powerfully, authentically and respectfully! You are the only one who has to wake up with you in the morning.


Bring something
to the table

Whether interviewing with a male boss for a new job, meeting a guy for a coffee date or attending a business dinner with your husband, have something to share that you feel good about. Find a hobby, learn about politics or study a current event that moves you. You will impress not only yourself, but others at the same time, allowing your self-esteem to soar!


Do not personalize

We’ve all done this. It’s hard not to personalize things when he doesn’t call you back, compliment your dress or mention the new hairdo. Don’t take it personally! I know this is easier said than done, but you must realize that it isn’t always you — it could be him. Don’t over analyze and don’t believe that a situation is something much greater than it truly is.


Do not panic

I am the “Princess of Panic!” As women, we tend to be more emotional rather than logical. You mustn’t jump to any conclusions, especially in situations involving men, without first evaluating the situation. When a boss doesn’t acknowledge you at work or a guy doesn’t call for a second date, you should never automatically think the worst. This isn’t healthy if you are trying to build your self-esteem! I recommend taking 10 deep breaths, getting zen in control and finding your center.


Do you

This is my favorite new saying and I can’t help myself…”Do You!” We tend to give so much away, including our self-esteem. Sometimes, it is important to be slightly selfish — occasionally, we need to put ourselves and our happiness first. When you give to yourself and allow yourself to replenish, you have so much more to give to others and will feel so much stronger inside. Make time to take that dance class, garden, paint, go shopping or anything that makes your heart sing! I hear your self-esteem reaching an octave higher already!

Brooke Lewis is a Board Certified Coach who specializes in mentoring teens and adults. She founded Be You and Be Fearless Life Coach in order to help teens and adults build confidence and make powerful choices for themselves. In addition to coaching, Brooke is a contributor for The Huffington Post. Follow her on Twitter.

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