It’s happening. Twitter is taking over the world as we know it, and sadly, it’s stealing our beautiful language too. We’ve rounded up tweets that are purely unbelievable and make us simply shake our heads in dismay.
The best of Twitter? (Or
We’ve removed these Twitter users’ profile information to protect their identities. But even more, we’ve removed them to protect ourselves. These people are out there, somewhere; we’d rather not know. They’re hiding among us, lurking in our streets, neighborhoods and shopping centers. Nowhere seems safe anymore! Here are 30 reasons some Twitter users have left us feeling nervous.
They’re playing games
This Twitter user must be a writer for the hit family game Mad Gab. Say “flaming young” 10 times fast, and you’ll wind up with “filet mignon.”
They’re predicting the future
Technically, this could be true (with a few minor edits, of course). If this Twitter user is referring to a poisonous vegetable, death could certainly be the end result.
They’re getting crafty
We hope this Twitter user’s collage includes word clippings from magazines, or better yet, the dictionary.
They’re reporting the news
Don’t worry! If something big is happening, Twitter users have it covered. Who knew the inauguration would offer so much celebrity gossip?
They’re forgetting punctuation
Where to begin? Perhaps this Twitter user actually does have Alzheimer’s disease. They seem to have forgotten all punctuation. And rules of grammar, for that matter.
They’re growing impatient
Such news simply cannot wait! And our brains cannot process this tweet.
They’re getting defensive
Like all writers, Twitter users are protective of their work. And thankfully so. We wouldn’t want a mad epidemic of tweet plagiarism, would we?
They’re educating the world
We love that this tweet was an @mention, the Twitter equivalent of “Hey, did you know?” Though we’re not sure if “maturity leaves” happen before or after puberty.
They’re expanding our language
We had to Google this. Twitter translation: “OOMFS” could be read as “one of my followers.” But it doesn’t stop there. This tweet also features examples of modern slang. “Textin,” meaning “texting,” “n” meaning “in,” and “tho,” meaning “though.” A brilliant specimen of our language evolving in the modern era. That is, if you can overlook all of the other errors.
They’re too busy to Google it
OK, this one is tricky. We get it. Those silent Ps can throw even the best of us. But really, there’s no excuse in a world where Google exists. A simple search might have helped this Twitter user with the word “pneumonia.”
They’re becoming very expressive
Perhaps they’re referring to blank stares. Which is, quite possibly, the facial expression many might have while reading this tweet.
They’re giving medical advice
This might be one of the most frightening tweets of them all. It’s one thing to simply tweet the wrong words, but when it comes in the form of medical advice, that’s just terrifying.
They’re getting in touch with their feelings
First, we wonder if this tweet is a title. Perhaps this might be an upcoming self-help book or something. We’re not sure, but we are positive that “leard,” “showin” and “yu” were not used correctly here.
They’re learning to accept themselves
Just because Twitter users are hidden behind their usernames doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings. They’re no different from the rest of us. We all worry about the beast that is “body-image acceptance.” Perhaps we should throw them a bone on this one. For the heart’s sake, of course.
They’re extremely inventive
Someone should patent this, quickly. We have a hunch that whoever gets this gem first will soon find themselves sitting high on life’s pedestal.
They’re getting facts wrong
This tweet is simply not true. Parents, please protect your children from this madness. This has to be stopped!
They’re using #hashtags wrong
The correct hashtag here would have been #imdumb. Let’s get it right.
They’re trying to make us feel better
Is it working? We didn’t think so either. In fact, this tweet only left us with mental wounds. And we doubt they will ever be healed.
They’re trying, they really are
This tweet was meant to be a sincere offering of condolences in response to a tragic event. We hope the meaning was not lost, at least.
They’re not driving
Oh, thank goodness! They’ve designated drivers to cart them around! Did your safety meter just jump up a notch, or maybe two?
They’re nearly there
Sometimes, they’re just so close that you almost feel for them. Out of 16 words, this Twitter user only missed two. All in all, that’s not bad; not perfect, but not bad. Then again, we didn’t count the small things, like punctuation and proper nouns.
They’re nearly poetic
We’re not sure what this tweet means at all, but anyone would concur it’s extremely poetic. It makes you stop to think, doesn’t it? What is the gift? Who should open it?
They’re getting into politics
Watch out! Twitter users might just take Washington by storm. Once they’ve pinpointed the political parties, the world will never be the same.
They’re feeling alone
We’re pretty sure this Twitter user meant “fend,” and for once, we believe they speak for all of us.
They’re into creative writing
Some writers experiment with the use of the comma, but this Twitter user experiments with the meaning of the word itself.
They’re making us hungry
Is this Twitter user talking about lunch?
They’re giving us an out
If you don’t drive a cool car, consider yourself free! I’m out!
They’re reprimanding their peers
Twitter translation: “SMH” stands for “shaking my head.” We are certainly shaking ours at the way this Twitter user “corrected” another.
They’re demanding respect
And we all should give them the respect they deserve.
They’re getting philosophical
Words to live by. Be the elevator. Tweet this article if you’d like Twitter users to adapt.