The most absurd, disturbing and hilarious garage sale finds you will ever see

Apr 22, 2015 at 4:00 p.m. ET

Like Disneyland, a garage sale can be the happiest place on earth when you find that treasure you've been hunting for. But also like an overpriced family-friendly theme park, garage sales are all about smoke and mirrors — sometimes one man's trash really is just trash.

Off the top of my head, I can think of at least a dozen really weird things I've seen tagged at a garage sale before. A single crutch (why just one?). Used underwear (don't even get me started). Headless dolls (obviously used to frighten children).

Turns out that my weirdest garage sale experiences weren't even scratching the surface. The WTF Garage Sale sub-Reddit has uncovered a whole new world of weird. These are the kind of garage sale "finds" you can't even give away for free.

1. Box of bones

Bones

Image: Reddit

Because skin is so overrated.

2. Dead grandma

Grandma

Image: Reddit

Not only do Nana's remains come in a beautiful urn, but the best part is, she'll only run you $4.99.

3. Head hammock

Head hammock

Image: Reddit

For when you have the head of a man but the neck of a baby.

4. Hitler + Obama = BFFs forever

Hitler

Image: Reddit

I do understand that there could be an underlying political agenda here, but all I can think is: Damn, I bet Hitler gives good back rubs.

5. Just a really disturbing chair

Chair

Image: Reddit

As the OP pointed out, this inopportunely painted chair brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "sit on my face."

6. Lifelike baby

Baby

Image: Reddit

This re-sold, Reborn baby doll that looks suspiciously like Beetlejuice can be yours for only $85.

7. Lion penis table

Lion

Image: Reddit

Perfect for people like me who have always wanted to eat dinner atop a lion's penis.

8. Nicolas Cage, aka Jesus' real mom

Mary

Image: Reddit

And all this time I thought Jesus' mother was the Virgin Mary. I feel like such an idiot.

9. 'N Sync candle

Candle

Image: Reddit

I demand to know why this brilliant product was discontinued. I'm going to take it all the way to the top!

10. Racist key rack

Key rack

Image: Reddit

I would love to think there is a back story that could make this all better, but all roads lead to racist.

11. Right to bear arms

Bear

Image: Reddit

Get it? Get it? OK, I would probably buy this for the epic pun alone.

12. Taxidermy trophy conversation starter

Squirrel

Image: Reddit

What the what the what? The real question you have to ask yourself is: Is this a taxidermied squirrel's ass or a conversation piece?

13. Totally innocent back massager

Back massager

Image: Reddit

You say $4 back massager, I say super-cheap sex toy. Potayto, potahto.

14. The scariest doll in all the land

Doll

Image: Reddit

For those nights when you never want your children to sleep again.

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