How to speak adult: What you want to say vs. what you should say

When the time comes for you to finally grow up and speak like an adult, this guide will be there to help you translate your everyday slang phrases to gorgeous examples of proper speech with ease.

Unfortunately we all have to grow up sometime and leave our college vocabularies behind — far, far behind. We mean trap that trashy vernacular in an iron chest under lock and key, and bury it in the sand at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. It’s time.

To help you transition from the saggy, parting-at-the-seams, barely English vocabulary of your youthful days, we’ve prepared a quick guide to serve as a linguistic deity for your proper adult speech. Enjoy and learn.

  1. “Hi” vs. “Yo!”

  2. “How are you?” vs. “Wassup?”

  3. “I’m very excited about this.” vs. “I’m pumped, brah.”

  4. “I’m hungry.” vs. “Sh*t, I just wanna stuff my face right now.”

  5. “I’m full.” vs. “I feel like I have a food baby.”

  6. “Excuse me.” vs. “I need to let one rip.”

  7. “I need to go to the washroom.” vs. “I need to p*ss like a racehorse.”

  8. “Let’s grab a few drinks at the bar.” vs. “Let’s get wasted tonight!”

  9. “I don’t feel well.” vs. “I feel like f****** sh*t.”

  10. “I’m a poet.” vs. “I can drop some mad rhymes.”

  11. “He is so handsome.” vs. “Check out that fine piece of a**.”

  12. “I’m low on funds this week.” vs. “I’m a broke-a** pony.”

  13. “I love this song!” vs. “Oh em Gee, this is my jam!”

  14. “Let’s go to Zumba.” vs. “Gotta tighten that a**.”

  15. “Wow, his arms are sculpted.” vs. “Check out the guns!”

Which other phrases do you think should be included on the list? And when did you switch over to adult speech?

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