Dive in to discover your self-worth
Why do we feel like we don't always deserve things that come too easily? It may be time to dive in and examine your sense of self-worth.
Photo credit: "GB.USA.11.0063" by Balazs Gardi
Over the past couple of years, the single most important thing I've learned is this:
No matter how hard you work or how many goals you set, you only ever get what you feel you are worthy of. Not a penny more.
Sadly, many people simply don’t feel worthy of the things they desire. Not in the deepest, darkest inner workings of their soul, they don’t.
After decades of studying personal development and neuroscience, of practicing visualization, goal setting and affirmations, I came to a single conclusion about the things I was still working hard for. There was only one thing standing in the way: what I felt worthy of having, achieving, being and doing.
I realized that like most people, when things came too easily, I simply didn't feel like I deserved them. Surely I’d have to work a little harder for them first?
The thing about our sense of self-worth is that we are masters at fooling ourselves about it. It’s a big one to face up to, so we skillfully avoid it. Having to face up to it can be tough.
There are things we have to dig out from deep within, things from our childhood, beliefs about what we’re entitled to before we’re becoming greedy or elitist, beliefs about what we’re capable of achieving.
They say the darkest hour is just before the dawn. My preferred analogy is that you usually look your worst just before you get ready to look your best. You know, when you’re fresh out of the bath before the whole hair, make-up and wardrobe routine for a big night out with your girlfriends.
When it comes to creating success and abundance, or just plain old happiness for that matter, it’s really not that different.
We need to strip away the masks and take a nice, close, make-up free and freshly loofah-ed look at ourselves.
Will we find the elegantly dressed, sharp-witted, worldly yet approachable woman who struts her stuff at a mid-week networking function, blinged up just enough to stay on the stylish side of the groovy white chick/black rapper fence?
Will we find a woman who walks her talk?
Or will we find a somewhat insecure, lovely but somewhat shy girl, who’s hoping nobody notices the big pimple on her cheek she tried to cover up with concealer. The one who’s kind of faking it but hoping for the best anyway?
Diving into the darkness and facing up to the dormant pain that lies there waiting can be both exhilarating and frightening. It’s also extremely liberating.
Once we give ourselves permission to be authentic, we can breathe again.
I decided to pin a list of power words by my bed, empowering words that described how I wanted to feel. At the top of the list I wrote "worthy." And I decided to get to work; it was time to break through.
I also decided to look at this logically, comparing myself to others who had what I wanted. Were they more worthy? What would make them so? Did they add more value; have more to offer, were they smarter, more skilled, wiser? Yes, they may have had some skills or experience I didn't, but there was only one answer to the question, “Are they more worthy?” and that was a firm "Heck, No!"
Do you need to take a dive into the darkness, too? Here’s a clue:
- Are you frustrated at things in your life that are still not quite happening while they are for others?
- Do you ever wonder if that’s because they simply deserve it more than you do?
I mean, you’re kind of faking it to make it anyway, right? So things are probably just as they should be… and that’s kind of a relief, isn't it?
Well, there you have it. That relief you’re feeling is the feeling of stepping away from something that will be a stretch of your self-image and your sense of self-worth.
So you know what you have to do, right?