It’s happening again. And by “it,” we mean the ’80s. The fashion industry is manipulating a generation that wasn’t around in the ’80s and somehow convincing them that these trends are a good idea. Think we’re exaggerating? Then please explain the reintroduction of one-shoulder shirts, leggings, leg warmers, ballet slipper flats, elastic belts and JUMPSUITS! Jumpsuits??? Claire Huxtable from the Cosby Show called and she wants her clothes back. Here are fashion faux pas, straight from the ’80s, to avoid this year:
We are right on the cusp of a designer jean disaster with all the bling that is now plastered to our butts. That only thing that is saving us so far is that the waist of this new generation of tricked-out jeans does not come up to our collarbone, as it did in the ’80s.
Feather roach clips
Perhaps it is time to start a coalition against the combination of molting birds and hair styles! You don’t see birds flying around with clumps of human hair under their wings, do you? (For more on this please visit “A year of style regrets”). The current feather-in-the-hair trend could only be made worse by reintroducing feather roach clips of yore, which were big, beaded and usually an offensive color.
French cut swimsuits
These swimsuits don’t look good on anyone, including the French. Do you remember your mom stomping around in one of these when you were a kid — and even then you knew it was wrong? When it comes to swimsuits and the average sized woman, more is more. Thus, if you see a swimsuit with the sides cut up to your armpit, walk away. Just walk away.
Hey fashion designers. Let’s get one thing perfectly clear. Women don’t like the word “stirrup.” That would be like designing a pair of pants for men called “prostate exam.” Women also, if they have any sense whatsoever, don’t like being locked in a battle all day between the waistline of their pants and the pull of their own weight. This is a tug of war you just can’t win. Miley Cyrus went right ahead and launched this ’80s trend again. Moving forward, this teaches us two things: Don’t wear stirrup pants and don’t buy anything designed by Miley Cyrus.
Spiked collars on polo shirts
Spiked collars equals punk. Punk equals punch in the face. If you are a guy and you wear a pink polo with a spiked collar, your odds of getting sucker-punched by a stranger quadruple. It’s uncertain why people have such an unfavorable knee-jerk reaction to this look, but they do. Maybe it’s just too reminiscent of Judd Nelson during his Brat Pack years. Whatever the reason, wear this trend at your own risk.
Michael Jackson, wearing red leather, had to make a cool video about zombies and all of a sudden everyone thought it was their birthright to wear leather. And lots of it. In all kinds of colors. Leather is good for purses, belts and shoes. Unless having strangers snicker and jeer behind your back is your thing, we caution against leather pants, vests, skirts and shirts.