Party humor: What the birthday kid is really thinking
Ever wanted to get inside your baby's head? Here's a little look at what we imagine is going on in there during baby's first birthday party.
Something is up
On a typical morning, Mom patters into my room in soft sweats. We have a little breakfast, snuggle for a while and then we head for the bath to splash around. After that, we get down to the business of playing on the floor, heading for the park or maybe catching the Wiggles on TV.
Today, though, something is up. I had to stand shrieking in my crib for at least four minutes before someone came in. And there were no soft sweats — she's wearing those fancy clothes. They're stiffer. And she holds me differently.
She's rushing. I wasn't done with my macaroni — I didn't get to do the thing where I mash it into the tray — but she pulled me out of the high chair.
And what's with the outfit? These clothes are clearly brand new — they're itchy. The collar is too high. And the vest? Really? Do we have to do the vest? I'm hot, I'm still hungry and everyone's too busy running around to pay attention to me!
Hey! Doorbell! Let's go see!
I think that one's Grandma. She's got that lipstick. She smells nice, but I don't like the way she talks to me. I'm not a baby. I mean, okay, I'm a baby, but still. Oooh, but she's got Grandpa with her. I like him! He's always sneaking me chocolate when no one's looking.
Who are these people?
I don't know these people. They're a little scary. A little grabby, too. Maybe ask me before you grab me from my mom.
What's with this hat? This seems a little unwise, what with the string so close to my neck. I don't like the way it feels on my head. Get it off. Get it off! Better. Thank you.
What the — doorbell again? Are you kidding me? Oh, hey. Sam's here. Huh. His mom made him wear a vest, too. Wait, I don't want to go with you, lady, I want to go with Sam!
Okay, there are a lot of people here. I'm not sure I like this. Plus, I'm pretty sure it's time for my snack and everyone is busy talking. Where's my snack? Oh, here's Mom. She'll have my snack — wait, did she just put that hat on me again? Not cool, Mom.
Get rid of the hat!
This vest is hot. Maybe if I dump my juice on it I'll feel better. Or not. Not! Definitely not! Take it off! And the hat, too. Good. WHY are you putting the hat back on me? I DON'T WANT TO WEAR THE HAT.
Hey, is that cake? I like cake! Cake is good! And now that I'm back in my comfy clothes, I'm feeling much better. Hey — Mom changed, too. She's in soft clothes again. And these people all seem to have gifts for me. This is nice. Maybe I could wear the hat for a few minutes, make them happy…
Yeah, no. The hat isn't working for me.
But the rest of this party is pretty cool.