Nude beach etiquette

So, you’ve decided 2014 is the year of new experiences. First on the list is getting an all-over tan at a nude beach. If you’re a newbie to the nude beach scene, it can be slightly intimidating.

Nude beach sign

Are you allowed to look? What happens if you cop an eyeful? And should you go with a friend or brave it alone? We uncover the unwritten laws of nude beach etiquette.

1

Staring is rude

It might be tempting to compare wobbly bits, but just as if you were on any other beach in the world, blatant staring can make other beach-users uncomfortable. A super dark pair of shades will disguise the fact you’re scanning for buff blokes, but be warned, other beach-goers know exactly what you’re up to.

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2

Leave the smartphone behind

It’s extremely bad form to start taking photos or using Snapchat, even if you pretend you are just capturing the scenery. Your phone is likely to be deposited in a place the sun doesn’t shine by an irate nudist. Respect your fellow sun-bakers’ privacy and leave the phone at home or in your car.

3

Cover up in the car park

This New Zealand commercial perfectly illustrates the fine line between what’s defined as appropriate coverage on the beach and what is not acceptable in the car park. Romp around all you like in the nude on designated beaches, but if you’re heading home, do the world a favour and get dressed. You could be fined for public nudity.

4

Intruder alert

Find a nude beach in your area

  • Buchans Point, North Queensland: Located between Pam Cove and Ellis Beach in Cairns and is a renowned spot by a gay social nude group known as the Cairns Sunboys.
  • Alexandria Bay, Queensland: A lovely, private and secluded Noosa spot is a brisk 30 minute walk. Remember to take your shoes.
  • Maslin Beach, South Australia: Home of the nude games and best bum competitions, located in Adelaide.
  • Lady Bay , New South Wales: Protection from prying eyes is offered by two rocky ledges and is one of Sydney’s most famous and oldest nudist beach.
  • North Swanborne Beach, Western Australia: Perth’s clothing optional beach has beach-goers confused over whether you’re allowed to strip off, or not so there’s always a mix.
  • Sorry Queenslanders, but there are no designated nude beaches in your state. Get your gear off and you’re likely to cop a fine, however if you are a daredevil with little regard for the law there are a few unofficial nude beach spots.

It’s the height of rudeness to encroach upon someone’s space at the beach, particularly more so when they are in the buff. Don’t despair if you lay eyes on the man of your dreams; wait until he goes for a dip. As you splash about in the surf, it’s okay to make small talk, just keep your gaze at eye level.

Big Brother winner Tim Dormer nudes up >>

5

Go with a friend

You’re more likely to be approached for a friendly game of nude frisbee or make friends if you take a sun-baking companion. A friend can be a huge bolster to your confidence if you are feeling a little shy about disrobing and can help lighten any embarrassing situations.

6

Nookie-free zone

Avoid sexually explicit touching: You’re there to get a tan, chillax and enjoy the surf, so unless you are applying sun lotion or holding hands, leave the X-rated stuff for the privacy of your own home.

7

No proud peacocks

It’s unacceptable for males to strut around like proud peacocks if they become sexually aroused. Most men have the decorum to cover up until the moment passes. However, there are males who like to show off and you should report it to your lifeguards or the police.

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