10 Valentine’s Day gifts he won’t be getting you

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner and love on your mind, it’s best if you don’t get your hopes up. Yes, in an ideal world your man would be able to read your mind (read the notes you’ve plastered around the house), but this isn’t an ideal world. It’s real life. Prepare yourself for the worst so you don’t get disappointed. Here are 10 gifts you won’t be getting for Valentine’s Day.

Love notes

Photo credit: knightyyy via Flickr

What you want: A meaningful memento from your romantic past that he has held onto for years. Bonus points if he’s kept it in his wallet.

Cheesy teddy bear

Photo credit: Build-A-Bear

What you’ll get: A teddy bear whose stomach says, “Be mine.”

Love poems

Photo credit: nightcloud1 via Flickr

What you want: Original poetry detailing how much you have changed his life and his undying love for you.

Store bough card

Photo credit: Hallmark

What you’ll get: A Hallmark card that says, “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”

Meaningful mixtape

Photo credit: dorsia via Flickr

What you want: A meaningful original soundtrack comprised of the songs you listened to when you fell in love.

car radio duties

Photo credit: dsearls via Flickr

What you’ll get: Radio duties in the car.

Nice dress

Photo credit: J. Crew

What you want: That J. Crew dress you’ve posted on the fridge and talked about incessantly. The dress that will transform you from regular human to confident goddess.

Trashy lingerie

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What you’ll get: Trashy lingerie.


Photo credit: Maria Komar via Flickr

What you want: One hundred roses, one for every day you’ve spent together (every day his life has been complete).

Dying carnations

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What you’ll get: Ratty carnations that look as though they are dying.

Imported chocolates

Photo credit: jeddahfood via Flickr

What you want: Your favorite chocolate imported from Belgium.

Bag of Hersey kisses

Photo credit: HersheysStore

What you’ll get: Hershey’s Kisses. In the bag.

First edition book

Photo credit: Vintage North Books via Flickr

What you want: The first edition of your favorite book, perhaps signed by the author.

Cheap Twilight paperbacks

Photo credit: cseeman via Flickr

What you’ll get: Twilight, picked up at the airport reading section.

Favorite Album on vinyl

Photo credit: NPR

What you want: Your favorite album on vinyl, tracked down from across the country.

Itunes gift card

Photo credit: mightykenny via Flickr

What you’ll get: An iTunes gift card.

Romantic spa getaway
Photo credit: Ace Starry via Flickr

What you want: A weekend getaway to a romantic inn complete with a spa day.

Scentless vaseline

Photo credit: via Stockngo

What you’ll get: Scentless Vaseline lotion.

Fancy tiffany engagment ring

Photo credit: Tiffany

What you want: An engagement ring from Tiffany & Co.

Cheap costume jewerly

Photo credit: Herzog Jewelers via Flickr

What you’ll get: A butterfly ring from Kmart.

Remember, the key to receiving the proverbial Skittles-scented candle, ladies, is to act surprised and gracious.

Photo credit: howdoiputthisgently via Tumblr

Rihanna has it on lock. So can you.

More Valentine’s Day

Twitter fails: 16 Tweets that were meant to be romantic
25 Poetic tweets from die-hard romantics
Your official Valentine’s Day sex playlist


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