Talking about sex during pregnancy can be intimidatingly vulnerable, even among close friends. It’s common to not feel sexy, confident, or turned on while pregnant, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of, either. Unfortunately, one pregnant Redditor was on the receiving end of a hurtful joke from a friend after opening up about her sex life — and now, both women are beefing.
Writing in the infamous /AmITheAsshole Subreddit, user @litzu4863 gave this context: She is halfway through her pregnancy, and recently, she was talking with a few friends “about pregnancy and the weird stuff that nobody really talks about.”
“I mentioned that I was finding it awkward to be intimate with my partner since I haven’t been feeling confident in my new body, and I don’t really feel attractive or sexy,” the Original Poster explained. “One of my friends’ only comment was, ‘Poor guy.'”
AITA for "embarrassing" my friend?
by u/litzu4863 in AmItheAsshole
Ouch! Way to shift the focus from your friend’s very real insecurities to her partner.
As OP explained in an addendum to her post, the comment was made “in a judgmental tone” — which is exactly what she didn’t need in the moment. “Me and my partner are still being intimate. My only point was that I was having a hard time adjusting to my new body,” she said.
OP confronted her friend about the hurtful ‘joke,’ and now, the friend claims she ’embarrassed her.’
Naturally, OP was upset by the joke — and her friend’s thinly veiled implication that her husband’s sexual satistfication is more important than her comfort.
“That honestly pushed a button, and I told her that that was a weird and unsympathetic comment,” OP said. “She’s been pregnant as well, but she was single during her whole pregnancy and didn’t sleep with anybody, so I asked her how she came to that conclusion since she’s never been in that situation herself.”
“She got offended and said that it was just a joke and told me to relax,” she continued. “She gave me an apology but later texted me that I embarrassed her in front of our friends. [But] I didn’t say anything right away and waited a bit until the others were having another conversation and talked with her discreetly. I don’t think that any of the others heard, and nobody has mentioned anything about it. Our conversation lasted around 30 seconds, and that’s it.”
Obviously, embarrassing her friend wasn’t OP’s intention. And besides, it’s easy to understand why she felt upset: “Her comment was inappropriate and dismissed my feelings of pregnancy completely.”
Now, her friend has gone MIA, leaving OP to wonder if she’s the AH in the situation.
AITA Redditors assured her she wasn’t in the wrong here.
AITA Redditors in the comments overwhelmingly had OP’s back. Many were appalled that her friend redirected attention from OP when she was clearly being honest about a sensitive topic with trusted confidants.
Plus, the friend made it all about a man who wasn’t even in the room.
“NTA. You’re going through all the rough aches and pains of pregnancy, growing a baby, experiencing a hormonal rollercoaster and body image insecurities on top of that, and… poor him for not having a good lay? Her comment sucked,” one Redditor opined. “Even if it was a badly delivered joke, wasn’t funny.”
It should go without saying, but just in case: No one should feel obligated to have sex with their partner at any time, for any reason. That’s why enthusiastic consent is so important and powerful. And no one should be shamed or judged for choosing not to be intimate, especially by their friends.
“You’re trying to have a conversation about pregnant bodies, and you specifically wanted to address how it hurt your confidence and self image, and your friend went and made it about his sex life instead,” another commenter wrote. “That’s not a good look.”
“When I was pregnant with my twins, I felt gross. I lost my pregnancy weight, but I’ve still never regained my confidence. It’s a real thing that women struggle with, and [your friend] wasn’t being sympathetic,” someone else shared.
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