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Discreet & Quiet Vibrators That Won’t Wake Up the Whole House

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Discretion isn’t always a concern when it comes to buying and using a vibrator. But if you live in a house full of other people (particularly with kids who are curious and prone to touching things that aren’t theirs), it very well might be a priority to have a quiet and sneaky sex toy in your collection. Thankfully, your favorite sex toy shops are loaded with discreet vibrators that offer subtlety, silence and satisfying sex in equal measure.

Finding time to use a vibrator is often harder than it should be. Between work, social engagements, family responsibilities and the always-growing list of shows you need to watch on Netflix, carving out a little Me Time (or even Us time with your partner) can be a serious challenge. The last thing you need is for your few, well-earned minutes of escape to be ruined by a vibrator that’s so loud it threatens to wake up the whole house or that makes you too self-conscious about the chainsaw-like sounds to actually get off.

And, of course, when we’re talking about discretion we’re not only talking about volume—we’re also talking about toys that have a more streamlined or understated in appearance. Toys that don’t attract a lot of visual attention. Toys that, well, don’t obviously look like sex toys. A quiet motor is key to keeping someone from barging in on your alone time. But you also want a go-to that you can throw in your nightstand — or toss into your suitcase — without giving it a second thought. It doesn’t matter who stumbles upon your favorite vibrator if that vibrator looks like a necklace, or tube of lip balm, or even a rubber ducky. (Yes, the latter really does exist — for better or worse — scroll down to see it.)

What’s nice? There are so many of these stealth sex toys on the market that allow you to keep your sexy business on the DL. You can absolutely find a sex toy that isn’t obviously recognizable to the untrained eye, and that doesn’t sound like a threatening swarm of bees every time you turn it on. Sex toys so smart they practically disguise themselves? We’ll take 20.

So read on for a few that pass the low-key “shhh” test or deliver on a particularly subtle aesthetic. You might find the chill, discreet vibe of your dreams.

A version of this story was published November 2019.

 

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