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Oral sex: How to get over your insecurity

When it comes to sex, we focus a lot of attention on intercourse. But what about outercourse? It is important for women to start making oral sex a priority to experience the way it can enhance your sex life.

Happy couple in bed

Outercourse is everything from sensual touch, body caressing, and most importantly, oral stimulation. Oral stimulation can include kissing, licking, sucking and orally caressing erotic zones of the body such as the nipples and genital tissues. Oral sex can have many benefits for women — foreplay, increasing genital circulation, relaxation and lubrication. It also brings body awareness by helping a woman identify where and how she likes to be pleasured by her partner.

Unfortunately, a lot of women have hang-ups when it comes to oral sex. Here’s how to deal with them.


Women sometimes share a fear that their odor will be displeasing to a partner. Your natural scent actually carries pheromones that will attract your partner even more. As long as you keep up regular hygiene, your scent will be healthy and tasty. We don’t want to over wash the genitals because clearing out your vagina’s natural cleansing system can interrupt pH balance and cause infection which can then lead to a foul odor. Attempting to mask natural scent with perfume or body spray can also cause irritation and burning. Embrace your own unique scent and you will see how your partner appreciates it too.

Low sexual self-esteem

How we feel about our bodies usually indicates our performance and esteem when it comes to sex. Confidence and curiosity go a long way in sexual play so be comfortable and willing to learn new things. Some women are turned off by the way their partners have delved into the act of oral pleasure. This is usually due to lack of knowledge about ideal pressure, speed or type of movements that provide ideal stimulation to the clitoris and sensitive vulvar tissues.

Therefore, communication is crucial, and ego should take a backseat to the candid revelation about what appeals to you. Sexual self-esteem comes with comfort and communication with a partner. Don’t be afraid to ask what feels good and to share your own pleasure spots with a partner. Good sex doesn’t just happen. Oral skill requires knowledge, technique and practice to get it right.

Genital shame

When is the last time you looked at your genitals? We are taught from a young age to not touch, don’t look and don’t speak about our genitals. This creates nothing but genital shame. Get to know your genitals and your unique shape and makeup. Women vary from one to the next with regard to size of their labia and clitoris. Studies show that there really is no “normal” size, and that a large clitoris functions just as well as a petite one. Love your genitals and your partner will appreciate them as well.

Trust issues

Allowing a partner to explore the delicate region of the vulva involves removing mental boundaries that may develop over the course of one’s life experience. Our bodies are so intimate and sacred. Violations, abuse or negative experiences can cause issues when it comes to opening up with a partner. Working on these trust issues with a professional or a partner will heal this barrier and lead to more comfort with opening up — literally!

Take your partner’s tongue for a ride and if it’s not pleasing, use your tongue on your partner’s body to teach the moves and make it better. Oral pleasure is important to overall sexual satisfaction.

If your partner is willing to give, sit back and receive.

More on sexual health

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Great husband, lousy sex?
The problem and the solution to low sexual desire

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