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Get inside the mind of a romance writer

Whether you are a fan of soaps or bodice-ripper novels, chances are you see smoldering hookups and wonder if you are doing something wrong. Maybe — or maybe you just need to learn from the experts!

Woman writing in journal

Get visual

“You can stack the deck in your favor to inspire romance, and that means you have to appeal to his senses,” says April Masini of the popular relationship advice column. Men are visual — more visual than women are, so don’t underestimate the power of your appearance. Grooming, fitness and lingerie will get his attention. But so, too, will you be relaxed and inviting and sensual. If your body language is crossed arms and legs, it’s not going to send him the same romantic message as your arms open, you curled up on the sofa, or your eyes on his every word. Men love it when they feel good in your presence, so compliment him, laugh at his jokes and make him feel that he’s important to you.

Set the scene

Setting the scene means making your apartment or home man-friendly, Masini says. Men will love to be at your place if there are fluffy towels, cozy furniture that they can sprawl in, a wonderful television and yes, scented candles or a fire in the fireplace will make it more inviting.

And don’t forget, keep your fridge stocked with man-food that he likes. Always have a fantastic dinner in the freezer, ready to whip up. A good steak, a bottle (or six pack) of whatever he likes to drink, non-alcoholic beverages and snacks on hand will make him want to be at your place.

Close out the outside world

Put your phone on vibrate or turn it off altogether. If you’re constantly taking calls, returning texts and checking emails in his presence, he’s going to get the message that you’re more interested in business than romance. Make him your prime focus and use that “off” button on your electronic devices.

A little teasing goes a long way

“A huge part of the enticement is all about the dance — the warm-up ’til you even get to the date night/sexual rendezvous,” says Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright, Astroglide’s sexual health and wellness ambassador. “This starts with the way you’re engaging each other. Are you looking at your partner with warmth, interest, excitement… smiling and looking like you’re getting in the mood? How are you talking to one another? Get away from the day-to-day convos or the unsexy topics like politics, and start to talk about what you’re looking forward to in being together, what your hopes are and how highly you think of the other.”

Give little touches

Be more affectionate. This can be as simple as kissing more often or giving little neck rubs or holding hands. We as people — especially working professionals and parents — are so obsessed with to-do lists. Your job is to start to distract the person, pulling your lover away from responsibilities, getting your sex life on the radar as the main event to focus on.

Then make sure that you’re only focusing on each other — that the other things that can distract you, like the need for sleep or getting to another function that same day/evening, are taken care of or are not issues that take you away from each other. Make the activities and focus all about each other.

More romance

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Free love: No-cost ways to show your guy you care
Show him the love: Romantic gestures from you to him

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