Even the strongest and most independent women among us, the ladies who balance their bills, career, friends and family like it’s no big deal, can get a little timid when it comes to taking the lead in the bedroom. Whether you’re an alpha woman or a laid-back kinda gal, these sexy sex tips from the sex-perts (say that three times fast) will show you how to take the reins for a night you’ll never forget.
Plus, we threw in 10 girl-in-control sex positions that’ll leave your heads spinning.
Why it’s important to initiate sex
When it comes to sex, sometimes the little things like initiating, saying exactly what you want and planning a sexy (not cheesy) romantic night can be daunting. Sheri Meyers, Psy. D, licensed marriage and family therapist and author of Chatting or Cheating, let us in on a few secrets on how to step up, speak up and get the sex you’ve always wanted.
“If you’re normally the person who says ‘pass,’ ‘later’ or who rarely makes the first move, then your taking the action to initiate sex is often the biggest turn-on to your man because it communicates ‘I want you!'” Meyers says.
“Most men say that being desired by their woman makes them [feel] cherished, manly and loved.
How to tell him what you want
“Show him,” Meyers says. “Men’s egos are often a little fragile in this area. So always start with a positive… what he does ‘oh so right,’ then show him via demonstrating on him or moving his hand to the place you want to be touched. Close it with a positive, letting him know he’s doing it right and it’s really turning you on. Men need reinforcement and positive feedback. Often, it’s our confidence and desire that is the sexiest thing a woman can wear to bed.
How to plan a special romp
Forget the to-dos. Postponing sex until all of the e-mails have been answered and the list of the day’s tasks has been checked off means you’ll never have sex. Instead, make a conscious effort to take a break for nookie.
“Put away the laptop and briefcase, turn off your cell phone, close the door to the day,” Meyers says. “Literally and figuratively hang a do-not-disturb sign to the world. Clearing the schedule is saying to yourself and your sweetheart, ‘Nothing is more important than you and us being together.'”
How to be more assertive in bed
Take your normal roles, and pull the old switcheroo to increase your pleasure, Meyers advises: “If you are an alpha woman in the work force, it’s important to let your man be the masculine/alpha in the bedroom.”
For better sex that you can suggest to him, think different. And if you shake things up, you have a better chance of return to that hot, hot sex you used to have — back before life got in the way.
“In [your] new relationship, spontaneous, all-consuming ‘I can’t keep my hands off of you,’ ‘I want you so bad’ steamy all-nighters full of curiosity, hunger and discovery were naturally built in to the sexual mix,” Meyers says. “Over time, we fall into habit patterns and complacency. That’s why it’s important to change it up and approach sex as a new adventure and opportunity to discover a new position, sensation and way to touch each other.”
How do you do that? Think about why he’s hot to you — and remember that when you feel good, he’ll feel good.
“Look at his body anew,” Meyers suggests. “Kiss him in a new way and find a place on his body that you’ve never kissed before. Put on some music and do a lap dance, whisper into his ear how hot he is and tell him some things you’d like to do to him and with him. Watch a porno film together and talk about what turns you on. Then try it in bed. Men really do want to know how to please you. It makes them feel good to bring you to orgasm. It makes him feel more powerful and successful.”
Sounds like a win-win to us.
10 “power” sex positions (plus one bonus position)
So, with those tips in mind, try out these 10 sex positions that are ideal for female pleasure, making you feel like a queen while you’re getting your kicks.
1. Modified missionary
“Practically any classic pose can be fine-tuned to give her a thrill,” says Lisa Sweet, author of 365 Sex Thrills. “All she needs to do is have the desire to go after her own pleasure by making a few simple adjustments. Raising her legs so that her feet are planted on his bottom will graze his pubic bone against her clitoris. Or she can raise her legs up — the higher she lifts them, the deeper the penetration against the front wall of her vagina, which is where her G-spot is.”
2. Deeper rear-entry
“This always feels like a rough-and-ready move, but she can make it her own by lying on her stomach and have him gently lie on top of her,” Sweet says. “This deepens the penetration while creating some fiery G-spot and clitoral sparks at the same time.”
“This cuddly move gets a bad rap on the thrillometer scale,” Sweet says. “To amp it up, he can slip his fingers between her legs and fiddle with her diddle as he thrusts into her. Or she can just take care of business herself. Squeezing her thighs will help crank up the pleasure.”
4. Yab yum
“Classically, the man sits in the lotus posture with the woman astride,” say Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson, authors of Great Sex Made Simple. “It can also be done cross-legged, and if that’s still uncomfortable, he can modify it further by sitting on a chair or the edge of a bed with his feet on the floor. This is a very intimate position because your bodies are aligned and close together. It’s great for gazing into each other’s eyes and for alternating between stillness and motion during lovemaking. Many people find it to be the most effective position for experiencing G-spot stimulation while having penetrative sex.”
5. Kali Asana
“This is a familiar female-superior position to many — the man lies on his back, and the woman sits astride,” says Michaels and Johnson. “It is often depicted in Tantric art, and its roots in the tradition are ancient. There are lots of ways to vary the experience and the sensations in this position — squatting, kneeling, keeping the body erect, leaning forward or slightly backward and kneeling on one side while keeping your foot flat on the other. A variety of movements are also possible — rocking, grinding or bouncing — and this too will produce different sensations. This position enables you to control the pace and also the depth of penetration. For many women, it provides the most direct clitoral stimulation, and it is also easy for the man to stimulate the clitoris, either manually or with a vibrator.”
6. Reverse cowgirl
“This is not really a traditional posture, but we like to think of it as a variant on Kali Asana,” say Michaels and Johnson. “This is a great one to use while facing a mirror, which will give you a clear view of what’s going on in the genital area while you’re making love, something that’s not easy in most positions. It’s also a position in which it’s easy to stimulate yourself manually. The angle of penetration and the stimulation it produces are also likely to give your partner some different sensations. Many men find reverse cowgirl to be very intense, so it’s a good idea to pay attention to how he’s responding.”
7. Taking a stand
“In this position, he braces his back against a wall, so she is ‘on top’ and moves up to him for entry — this is easier if she lifts one leg,” says Dr. Carol Queen, staff sexologist at Good Vibrations sex toy shop in San Francisco. “He can hold her leg up with one arm and embrace her (and help keep her pressed against him and in a stable position) with the other arm. If she arches back, she will bring their pelvises even closer together — and then he’ll be able to reach her breasts easily. Bonuses: great for eye contact, touch and kissing. Caution: When duration is desired, most people will decide to get horizontal eventually.” Bonus tip: “When he’s taller, he can spread his legs wider apart to lower his pelvis to a more accommodating height (or if they’re feeling pretty athletic, he can pick her up),” she says.
8. Head over heels
“Here’s an unusual and languid variation on the [woman on top] position,” says Dr. Queen. “From her perch kneeling on top of him, she places her ankles on his shoulders and lies back so she is either lying right on him (on her back — her back is on his thighs, her feet are on either side of his face), or, with a tilt to the side, this can become a variation on spooning: He’s tipped partly on his side, she is nestled up against him. Less eye contact in this position, but tons of opportunity to touch, especially clitoral touch. He can use her hips and thighs to pull her closer to him if deeper penetration or more vigorous movements are desired.” For more positions like described in numbers Seven and Eight, Dr. Queen recommends the book Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight.
9. Splitting the bamboo
“Another classic tantra position, this is a sort of a missionary position variant,” says Dr. Queen. “She lies on her back, but instead of lying on top of her, he kneels, his knees apart so his pelvis is low and he can enter her. She can reach his thighs to touch him (and use that grip as leverage to move) — her ankles on his shoulders, or one leg is bent so she can rest her foot flat on his chest and feel his heartbeat. Bonuses: great for eye contact, touch, toe- and foot-kissing.” For more like this position, she recommends the book The Modern Kama Sutra.
10. Sexy scissoring
“This is fab for its clitoral stimulation,” says Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright, Astroglide’s relationship and sexual wellness ambassador. “A gal starts in woman-on-top, but then lies back between her lover’s legs (which will arch her back). He can then easily stimulate her hot spots, working her more easily to orgasm.”
Crazy bonus position: Gyrating split
Difficulty: 10! Only for the strong-willed and adventurous!
“A flexible gal lies on top of her guy w/ both legs inside his,” says Dr. Fulbright. “She then gets into a split by bringing one leg up, putting half of her weight on her knee. She can then offer him her breast to kiss and suck on, which both will find super-hot.” You might want to do some deep stretching before trying this one on for size, but boy will his mind be blown…
Updated by Bethany Ramos on 3/17/2016