Even the strongest and most independent women among us, the ladies who balance their bills, career, friends and family like it’s no big deal, can get a little timid when it comes to taking the lead in the bedroom. Whether you’re an alpha woman or a laid-back kinda gal, these sexy sex tips from the sex-perts (say that three times fast) will show you how to take the reins for a night you’ll never forget.
Plus, we threw in 10 girl-in-control sex positions that’ll leave your heads spinning.
Why it’s important to initiate sex
When it comes to sex, sometimes the little things like initiating, saying exactly what you want and planning a sexy (not cheesy) romantic night can be daunting. Sheri Meyers, Psy. D, licensed marriage and family therapist and author of Chatting or Cheating, let us in on a few secrets on how to step up, speak up and get the sex you’ve always wanted.
“If you’re normally the person who says ‘pass,’ ‘later’ or who rarely makes the first move, then your taking the action to initiate sex is often the biggest turn-on to your man because it communicates ‘I want you!'” Meyers says.
“Most men say that being desired by their woman makes them [feel] cherished, manly and loved.
How to tell him what you want
“Show him,” Meyers says. “Men’s egos are often a little fragile in this area. So always start with a positive… what he does ‘oh so right,’ then show him via demonstrating on him or moving his hand to the place you want to be touched. Close it with a positive, letting him know he’s doing it right and it’s really turning you on. Men need reinforcement and positive feedback. Often, it’s our confidence and desire that is the sexiest thing a woman can wear to bed.
How to plan a special romp
Forget the to-dos. Postponing sex until all of the e-mails have been answered and the list of the day’s tasks has been checked off means you’ll never have sex. Instead, make a conscious effort to take a break for nookie.
“Put away the laptop and briefcase, turn off your cell phone, close the door to the day,” Meyers says. “Literally and figuratively hang a do-not-disturb sign to the world. Clearing the schedule is saying to yourself and your sweetheart, ‘Nothing is more important than you and us being together.'”
How to be more assertive in bed
Take your normal roles, and pull the old switcheroo to increase your pleasure, Meyers advises: “If you are an alpha woman in the work force, it’s important to let your man be the masculine/alpha in the bedroom.”
For better sex that you can suggest to him, think different. And if you shake things up, you have a better chance of return to that hot, hot sex you used to have — back before life got in the way.
“In [your] new relationship, spontaneous, all-consuming ‘I can’t keep my hands off of you,’ ‘I want you so bad’ steamy all-nighters full of curiosity, hunger and discovery were naturally built in to the sexual mix,” Meyers says. “Over time, we fall into habit patterns and complacency. That’s why it’s important to change it up and approach sex as a new adventure and opportunity to discover a new position, sensation and way to touch each other.”
How do you do that? Think about why he’s hot to you — and remember that when you feel good, he’ll feel good.
“Look at his body anew,” Meyers suggests. “Kiss him in a new way and find a place on his body that you’ve never kissed before. Put on some music and do a lap dance, whisper into his ear how hot he is and tell him some things you’d like to do to him and with him. Watch a porno film together and talk about what turns you on. Then try it in bed. Men really do want to know how to please you. It makes them feel good to bring you to orgasm. It makes him feel more powerful and successful.”
Sounds like a win-win to us.