There are many singles that decide that traditional dating is not worth the time, hassle and effort it requires. One comment I hear often is, “I am so tired of telling my story to new people. I just want to meet someone and not have to go over the details of who I am anymore.” This feeling may resonate with you and as a relationship coach, I do acknowledge that dating is emotional and can be challenging.
Dating is necessary because it reveals what you really deem important in a permanent relationship. Sometimes personality preferences, specific looks and characteristics, which “look good on paper,” turn out to be not as vital in person. So let’s take a look at my guidelines on how to date after divorce with the purposeful intention of attracting one last love to last forever.
My first suggestion to start your journey is:
Display your “available” sign
I believe most people know when they put out their “unavailable” sign. We go about our day with a look that says, “Don’t even think about talking to me… and stay away!” When you have an attitude that puts a barrier between you and everyone else, you are ensuring that no one will dare approach you. You’ll never know how many opportunities for love that could have opened if you had been a willing participant.
Know what you want
Like many people, you can probably list in detail your accomplishments and vision for your career path. However, when it comes to describing the type of person you wanted to date, it’s easy to draw a blank or just a vague outline. It is not unromantic to know what you want in love and be assured that you will not let the right one get away armed with a pinpoint description. Unless you are cognizant of the experience you desire in love, you will not know the right one. The dating experience will be an aimless exercise with a cloudy vision, unable to attract the type of person you desire for lasting love.
Embrace realistic expectations
OK, not every date is going to lead to marriage, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! The “where is this going” talk is not appropriate first date conversation material… ever. The idea of dating is to get to know each other and see if you are compatible. Purposeful dating includes enjoying the dates. By spending time together, you will discover the following answers:
- Is this a person of integrity?
- Do we share primary life and relationship goals?
- Are we really compatible and do we share the basic priorities in life?
It is vital to look beyond the physical attraction and figure out how you two can work together as a potential couple. Dating provides ample opportunities to see how you interact with each other in a variety of circumstances, giving valuable compatibility insight.
- Keep initial dates short. Refrain from dinner dates that lead to drinks and end up being hours long. There is always time for future dates. Rushing intimacy and revealing life stories do not lead to many second dates. Don’t overload your date when mutual trust has not been established.
- Don’t interview. No one wants to feel like they are on an inquisition and placed under a microscope. Allow a normal conversation to take life and flow with it. Come prepared to share your interests and passions in life — the qualities and talents that make you unique.
- Share the spotlight. A good conversationalist does not do all the talking or ask all the questions. Maintain a balance in the information you share with one another and be sure to stay focused on what is said.
- Relax, stay in the moment and enjoy! The ultimate goal is to attract the right person and eventually marry. Until you connect with that person, the best advice is to stay in the moment and avoid mentally jumping to the next stage.
Attracting one last love to last forever is possible with the right emotional, mental and spiritual preparation before dating. The willingness to date with clear purpose, without rushing each stage of the relationship will lead to attracting the right individual. Each date provides valuable information about yourself and your relationship readiness. Being open to the lessons of love through purposeful dating will provide insight into the true “must haves” for lasting love.