Trying to make a love connection when you’re crampy and bloated isn’t our idea of a good time, but did you know you can actually double your chances of scoring a hottie if you wait until you ovulate?
The best study ever
Geniuses at the University of New Mexico wanted to find out if a women’s menstrual cycle had any financial consequences, so they diligently studied the books at a strip club to get the facts. What they found was that a dancer was likely to average a whopping $70 an hour during her peak fertile time of the month – a far cry from the dismal $35 an hour she’ll make during her period.
The findings proved that even subtle or unconscious fertility signals can really add up to increased male attention. Changes in body odor, skin tone and waist-to-hip ratio are just a few of the microscopic shifts that men can unwittingly detect. Most women also admit their sex drive increases during ovulation, which means you may be more likely to dress provocatively and have the courage to make the first move.
A tough pill to swallow
What does this mean for the estimated 63 percent of women on the pill? The news is not good. Since the pill by design produces early pregnancy hormones, bachelors looking to spread their seed will suspect you’re already spoken for and move on. According to the study, dancers on the pill averaged $37 an hour with no peak versus $53 an hour for dancers who use non-hormonal forms of birth control.
Learning from our cavewoman roots
How can we put this scientifically brilliant data to use? Even if you’re not looking to start a family, you can still watch your cycle closely and use it to your advantage. If you’re in the adult service industry, chart your periods or take over-the-counter ovulation tests and double up your shifts during peak fertility times. If you’re just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love you, maybe don’t ask while Aunt Flow’s in town.
Other signs of ovulation:
- Increased sex drive
- Clearer complexion
- Increased cervical mucus
- Dip in basal body temperature
- FH surge detected by ovulation predictor kits
- Swollen vulva
- Increased energy levels
- Heightened sense of taste, vision and smell
- Breast tenderness due to increase in progesterone
Things to do while you’re in the unfertile valley:
- Take your dull complexion and unfavorable pheromones out of the club and onto your best friend’s couch for a girls’ night.
- Go see Magic Mike and marvel at the male strippers who are constantly fertile and therefore would probably do well in the scientific study. Also, Channing Tatum.
- Your energy levels are most likely pretty low during this time, so treat yourself to a spa day and extract some of those hormone-related pimples while you’re at it.
- If you can muster up the energy, take your menstruating butt to the gym. Keep it up the next two weeks and you can add more muscle tone to the list of reasons why you’re going to score during ovulation.
work it girl
Test the theory: Step out in your hottest outfit this month and see what happens next.