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Why people cheat: Understanding infidelity

Cheating sucks, but it’s continually a problem (just look at the tabloids to get a sense of how many people stray). If you’re currently dealing with a cheating scandal of your own or have dealt with one in the past, we put together some information and tips to help you through the worst of it.

Woman catching a cheater

Why guys stray

People cheat for a variety of reasons and it simply depends on the person and the couple. Some of the most common causes for a person being unfaithful can often include:

  • They’re angry with their spouse and don’t know how to deal with it.
  • Their spouse is no longer interested in sex.
  • They’re bored.
  • They want to regain the feeling of new love.
  • They’re turned off by their spouse because of weight gain.

One thing is for certain, regardless of the reason behind it, cheating does mean your relationship is in need of serious repair. No matter why someone strays, cheating has a big impact on a relationship. It usually means one person in the relationship is missing out on intimacy (since the intimacy is going to someone else who is not part of the relationship) and no relationship can survive without intimacy.

What to do if your partner cheats

You may be tempted to fly into a rage upon discovering infidelity (which is understandable), but there is a better way to handle things. If you discover your partner has cheated, neither hold in your emotions or create drama. Find a quiet, neutral spot outside of your home and talk with your man about what’s really happening in the relationship.

Sometimes, infidelity can cause a couple to examine the flaws that already existed in the relationship, prior to one person cheating. Doing so can actually spur you on to be proactive when it comes to your relationship. At that point, you can decide whether to end the marriage or mend it and recognize whether your relationship should be salvaged.


To make the decision about what to do post-cheating less stressful, write down on a piece of paper what you truly have going for each other. If the list is short, that will suggest you have little in common anymore. But if it’s long, you may decide to repair your problems.

Repairing the relationship after infidelity

What really has to happen to repair a relationship is for both parties to equally want to make some changes for the sake of the partnership. If you’re spending more time pointing fingers than taking responsibility for what went wrong, it’s going to be hard to repair the relationship.

Getting back on solid ground after someone cheats also requires a lot of hard work and rebuilding of trust. Being open and honest is the only thing that can bring back trust. Trust takes a long time to build, and when it’s broken, only honesty and openness will get it back. Even then, repairing your relationship will take time and it is a good idea to work with a counselor for guidance. The counselor will steer you away from the secrecy that has derailed the relationship and towards more open communication.

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