Getting over an ex

Getting over an ex is on life’s “Top 10 hardest things to do” list. Why do you think a million songs have been written on the topic? Depth of feeling for the other person, length of relationship and circumstances surrounding the breakup all factor in to your recovery. The good news is, you can recover. But there are a few things you need to know first…

Sad woman thinking about ex

Feel sorry for yourself

Yep. Give yourself a couple weeks to just vent, pout and grieve. Here are the ingredients for a proper downward spiral: ratty pajamas, ice cream, chips and funny movies. (You won’t think they are funny, but don’t you dare watch romantic movies!) Bathing is optional. Hey, you’re not dating anymore! Rejoice in not having to shave your legs! See, this isn’t all bad! Your friends and co-workers will let you know when it’s time to move on because you’ll annoy them with all your daily drama and boo-hooing. Or you might start to smell really bad. Once you snap out of it, expect set-backs that will last a day or two. EVERY stupid thing — food, locations, words etc. — will remind you of your ex, or you’ll hear of him going on a date with someone new. It’s not the end of the world if you have to break those pajamas out again for a day or two.

Gain acceptance

This may be the hardest thing about getting over someone. In the early stages of trying to recover from a breakup, you’ll work yourself into a lather, thinking, “if you just do this,” or “just do that.” It doesn’t work like that. In fact, trying too hard to get back together with someone will just alienate that person further. Gaining acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean accepting things are over. It may mean you have to accept that you are super awesome and that rat fink wouldn’t know a good thing if it fell out of a fifth story window and landed on his head. You know, like a baby grand piano, for example…

Learning curve

Try to remember there may be a very good reason the “love universe” decided this relationship is over. Maybe your ex will become an alcoholic in five years, or develop a habit of wearing ill-fitting jeans. You never know. On the other hand, maybe you have some work to do. Here’s a hint: If more than one person complains about a trait of yours, you might want to listen and do something about it. Or you can keep annoying people, bumping into walls and suffering a breakup every four to six months. It’s really up to you.

Reinvent yourself

You were probably a cool person before you started dating whoever you just broke up with. After a breakup, you will feel a tremendous void. You can fill that void with alcohol and self-destructive behavior, but that becomes less appealing as time go on. What are your hobbies? Take a class. Volunteer. Hang out with your friends again. Vacation. Exercise more. Go to the mall, people watch and make scathing comments under your breath. Whatever makes you feel better.

Put off dating if you can

Wasn’t it Blanche from Golden Girls who said, “The easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” You gotta love Blanche. There is a shred of truth to that, inasmuch as running right into the arms of someone else will help fill that void we talked about. Just know you are on very dangerous ground here. If the new relationship goes south, you will be a hotter mess for a longer period of time. Repeat failure really takes a toll on a girl’s self-confidence. This is a big gamble. Sometimes it pays off. But most of the time, you just end up broken and in the gutter.

Tell us

Does breaking up get easier each time you do it? Share your answer in the comments section below!

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