The idea of dating a vampire has a certain allure, but when it comes down to it, an undead boyfriend can be a serious pain. Before you commit to your nocturnal, immortal prince, check out these 10 reasons why it would “suck” to date a vampire.
Major age difference
Your nocturnal man may be fawning over you now, but have you thought about the long-term outlook of this relationship? While he stays ageless, there will definitely be an end to your perkiness. Then what? There isn’t an anti-aging cream powerful enough to keep him happy.
Always in the dark
Every girl appreciates that special time of the morning when the soft, filtered sunlight washes across the room, hiding imperfections and making us look radiant. Cozy up to a vampire and you can forget about letting that morning glow stream through the windows. In fact, you won’t be seeing much light at all. Bummer.
Do you have dreams of romantic getaways with your blood-sucking beau? Forget about sharing a cozy beach bungalow and frozen drinks with paper umbrellas with your vampire. That means you’ll have to replace Bora Bora and the Bahamas with the North Pole and Antarctica on your short list of destinations. Oh, and that tan? Forget about it. How do you feel about year-round pastiness?
No more garlic
No garlic? Yep, that sucks. Aside from the fact that your Italian gourmet cooking class will totally go to waste, you’ll have to be diligent about checking ingredient lists, which totally takes the fun out of dining out. Why couldn’t vampires be deterred by tofu or spam?
If you make an effort to be a “glass is half full” type of person, dating a vampire will totally wreck your positive attitude. After all, vampires are so darn moody and negative. Who needs Mr. Grumpy raining on your parade day in and day out?
It’s cold… all the time
While vampires can certainly be dangerously attractive and painfully alluring, they also maintain a frigid body temperature. Where’s the romance without a snuggly fireplace and a warm blanket on a cold night? Brrrr.
Sharing your bronzer
Behind closed doors, your vampire’s transparent skin may not be too shocking to you, but he’ll probably want to blend in when the two of you are out and about. That means he’ll be sharing your bronzer… all the time! Who wants to do that?
Most great relationships have a touch of mystery to them. You can forget about that when you’re dating a vampire. Your witty personality will be squashed by his ability to read your mind. There’s no way you’ll ever surprise him or be able to tell a little white lie.
The lure of immortality
When you date a regular guy (you know, the kind with blood in his veins), you always have the hope of growing old together. If you fall hard for a vampire, you’ll be constantly conflicted about whether or not to join your undead beau in immortality. Live forever? Don’t live forever? Decisions, decisions.
Oh, the drama!
Given their tortured state of existence, vampires are understandably moody, but you have enough drama in your life! Every little issue will seem like the (figurative) end of the world to him because he can’t resist a chance to brood.