Not all breakups are clean splits, and you might have to deal with your ex coming back into your life in unexpected ways, or just calling because he wants to be friends. Figuring out what to do in these situations starts with knowing what not to do.
Calling him up
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When you’re feeling emotionally weak and in need of attention, calling up an ex and asking him to come over is easy. After all, you were together long enough for him to still care about you as a person, right? Unless you want to start a relationship with this person again, avoid the urge to call him – especially if you had a shaky relationship in the past.
Acting like an animal when you cross paths
OK, so maybe he broke your heart, and you’d like nothing more than to tear his eyeballs out in public. Don’t do it. If you happen to run into him, act like you’re old friends, not just ex lovers. Ask him how he’s doing, how work is going, how his mom is. If you don’t want to hear about his relationship, don’t bring up dating. Be civil, and be human.
Comparing yourself to the new lady
Cruising through his Facebook photos, finding pictures of his new lass and tearing her (or yourself) down are all too easy. Spare yourself the pain and jealousy. If you’re friends with him on Facebook or other social networking sites, delete him or disable his updates in your feed. It might seem harsh, but it quells unnecessary and unproductive jealousy in the long run.
Talking about him behind his back
Soon after a breakup, many people bask in the fact that they now can say negative things about their exes. If you want to do it, talk to people who have little or no connection to your relationship. Mutual friends might let something slip, which will just make your non-relationship relationship worse.
Keeping his things just to make him bitter
If your ex left his favorite shirt at your apartment before the breakup, don’t hold it hostage in hopes of reconciling. It makes you look juvenile and will make him bitter toward you. Politely ask him to come get his things, and leave it at that.
Keeping things exactly as they were pre-breakup
No one is the same after a breakup, so feel free to change things around. Investigate new hobbies and interests. Head back to the gym. You’re a new woman, and the world is your oyster!
Excessively reflecting on the relationship
After the breakup, take time to look at what you did wrong and what you can do right in the future, but don’t dwell on it. Some things just can’t be taken back, and there’s no use beating yourself up about it.
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