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How to get what you want in the bedroom

Many people settle for ho-hum sex because they don’t know how to communicate with their partner. By following these tips and suggestions, you can rev up your sex life and get what you really want in the bedroom.

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1Slow down

It’s no secret that men want to get right to the act, while women enjoy a bit more foreplay. Slow things down by starting out with a sensual massage and a little teasing before getting down and dirty. Spend time touching (and licking) him all over with slow, sensual strokes. He’ll get the message and slow things down too, which will really get your motor running.

2E-mail him your sexual fantasies

If you are shy about talking to your spouse or boyfriend about what you want in the bedroom, send him a dirty e-mail. Tell him about your favorite sexual scenarios and what you would love for him to do to you. E-mail allows you to be more brave and explicit about your desires. Just be sure to use his personal address, rather than his business e-mail.

How to feel comfortable acting out sexual fantasies >>

3Play games

Many adult board games are available which encourage you to explore and discuss your sexual wants and needs. Try the Embrace board game, created by a board certified sex therapist. This sensually stimulating game for lovers allows players to reveal their intimate thoughts and feelings, improving communication between couples as they delve into their sexual desires.

Ways to make board games sexy >>

4Visit the toy store

Go out for dinner or a movie and on the way home, stop at the “toy” store. By walking through the aisles together, you can show your partner what you want by checking out different lubes, toys, equipment and movies. Even if you don’t buy anything, window shopping can help you communicate with your partner about what you really want in the bedroom. And you never know, you might discover something new about yourself!

Choosing your first sex toy >>

Jill Spiegel, author of How To Talk To Anyone About Anything! The Secrets to Connecting, offers these suggestions to get what you want in the bedroom.

5Take a positive approach

Criticizing creates resentment and resistance, so don’t complain when you want your spouse to please you in the bedroom: “You never want to give each other back rubs. I can’t just jump in!”

Making your spouse feel desired and special inspires him to please you. Entice your spouse by lovingly suggesting, “Honey, you look so hot in your new suit. Let me help you take that off and I’ll rub your back. Then you can rub mine and we’ll see what happens.”

The best way to get what you want in the bedroom is to ask for it. Be direct with your partner and forget about your inhibitions. Talk about what will make you feel good and ask him about how you can please him too.

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