The big O eludes many women. In fact, studies have shown that 75 percent of women never reach orgasm by intercourse alone (i.e., without the aid of toys or other stimulation), and 10 to 15 percent are unable to have an orgasm at all. If you’ve been lacking in the satisfaction department, here are four issues to consider.
Needing to be in control
Having a totally satisfying sexual experience means fully letting go of control and inhibitions. If you are the type of person who always needs to be in control of yourself and your emotions, achieving orgasm may be difficult because you won’t let yourself lose control long enough to reach the finish line. If this sounds like you, practice loosening up. Scream for no reason, dance around your living room — anything to show yourself that letting go can be a positive experience.
Being unable to relax
Sometimes, we get so tense (from stress, sitting in an office chair all day, etc.) that we don’t realize how taut our muscles are. Being this tense makes it hard to relax your body enough to have an orgasm. If this sounds like you, ask your partner to give you a massage as part of your foreplay. This will give you time to get in the right headspace for sex and will relax your tired muscles.
Sex means body fluids, weird positions and noises you might not normally make or hear. If you’re self-conscious by nature, the more primal nature of sexual intimacy may be hindering your ability to thoroughly enjoy the experience. Rather than focus on things that may make you feel nervous or self-conscious, think about the fact that everyone does it and for good reason: It feels good.
Hating your body
If the only thing you’re focusing on in the bedroom is the size of your thighs or the fact you haven’t lost the three pounds you put on over Christmas, your chances of having an orgasm just got smaller. Love your body and embrace your physical self. Being hung up on barely-there flaws is not only a turn-off, but it also prevents you from having satisfying sex.