So you’ve been “seeing” this guy for awhile, and your friends are beginning to ask what the deal is — and it occurs to you that you really don’t know. Are you “together” or just hooking up? Figuring it out is simpler than you think. Here are 10 ways to determine if you and your lover are strictly bed buddies.
Photo credit: Tetra Images/Getty Images
He might be just a hookup if…
The only item of yours at his house is a toothbrush.
Boyfriends let girlfriends leave extra panties, a razor, cell phone charger and nonfat milk (at the very least) for frequent overnight visits. The common booty call, however, entails just the toothbrush — required for pre-hookup breath freshening.
Sex is a part of EVERY hangout session.
If you’ve never not had sex with said guy and you’ve hung out together more than a dozen times, either you are a sexually electric couple, or the foundation of this relationship is sex — which is code for a hookup relationship, not a boyfriend/girlfriend one.
Every time you “go out,” you never actually go anywhere.
Couples have dates outside of the house, or at the very least, outside of the bed. Hookup couples, however, never see the light of day. They rely on ordering Chinese takeout and watching bad pay-per-view on occasion, but more often than not, “dates” are merely a quick ice breaking at-home cocktail followed by a wild romp in the sack.
He texts all the time in your presence.
A guy who actually like you — who wants to be present in your presence — can ignore his phones when he’s with you. The guy who’s in it for the nookie cares less about your feelings and more about his potentially missed texts, calls, FB messages and BBMs. If you or a guy roll over after “the deed” is done into the arms of an iPhone, chances are good that you’re just a booty call.
Your friends haven’t met his.
Friend exchanges are at an intimacy level that a hookup relationship cannot bear, because the casualty level is too great. Because the hookup relationship has no longevity, a friendship investment is awkward and wasteful. Meaningful relationships can take the risk of friendship exchanges, and there are mutual benefits to doing so. No friend intros = no relationship.
He doesn’t give you a gift on holidays.
Your birthday passed, then Christmas, then Valentine’s Day… and he sent no card, no gifts, no text acknowledgement. These are all clear signs that this hookup doesn’t want to invest financially or emotionally in this relationship. The upside: You don’t have to reciprocate, which means more cash in your shoe budget.
You only see each other on weekdays, or if on weekends, after last call.
Couples balance time spent between weekdays and weekends. Those in a booty call scenario, however, typically reserve their hookup sessions for weekdays so they can save precious weekend nights for actual meaningful dates, or the potential for a new hookup. When those don’t pan out, come last call, texts go flying out in an attempt for some late-night loving.
The most intimate thing you know about him is his middle name.
And you only know that because you saw it on his mail. The point here is that, for booty call partners, the relationship is based on sex, so exchange of personal information is superfluous. Within a couple, however, getting to know each other is a form of foreplay. The less you know, the less likely it is you are in a relationship.
“Plans” are never made in advance.
The players in a hookup situation don’t make “plans” ahead of time because their goals are to fulfill a sexual need or to use the hookup partner as a fill in. True couples, however, enjoy making plans; they buy tickets for a concert a month out and make reservations for a restaurant days before the date.
You get thanked after sex.
A sexual transaction (as opposed to an emotional connection) is typically marked by immediate post-doing-it comments such as, “thank you,” “goodnight” or “see you next time.” They’re deflating, and moreover, they are clear indicators that your relationship is nothing but — and will be nothing more — than a hookup.