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7 Ways to get to know your spouse better

Your husband: He’s your best friend, your soulmate, your partner for life. But sometimes, you look at him and think, “Who is this guy?!” Here are seven activities to help you and your hubby reconnect and reignite your friendship.

Couple fishing

The drift

Drifting happens to all couples, no matter how long you have been married, simply as a consequence of the hustle and bustle of life. So first things first: You have to make time for each other and nurture your friendship foundation during that time. Focusing on those things that you really like about each other and continuing the never-ending process of getting to know each other as you individually evolve will keep you engaged for the long haul.



Dream share

On separate pieces of paper, write down five to 10 life dreams independently. Once you have completed your lists, see if you can guess the other’s dreams. You might be surprised to find out that you never knew your husband wanted to learn Japanese or have another child.

2Share a blast from your past

Sharing memories is a beautiful way to bond with your husband, and many couples don’t do this as a natural way of being with one another. For this activity, fill up a hat with small pieces of paper on which you’ve written a year from the time you two were 5 years old until present day. Alternate drawing from the hat and sharing a memory — be it fond, embarrassing, tragic or otherwise — from that particular year.

3Sex cleanse

While sex can be a fabulous way to bring a couple closer together, not having sex can be, too! A deliberate sex fast can show you what your relationship looks like without physical intimacy, meaning it has to rely on emotional, mental and spirtiual intimacy. Don’t worry: You can see all that you need to see in just a couple of weeks. And when I say “no sex,” it doesn’t mean you can’t engage in other fun stuff.

4Have a best/worst swap

Nightly, be it just before bed or beforehand (at dinner, if you are kidless or if your kids will give you 10 minutes to yourselves before dinner), share the best and most challenging parts of your day. Be sure to high-five your honey for his accomplishments, no matter how small, and empathize with any rough patches.

5Play a trivia game

On index cards, each of you creates 25 trivia questions about yourselves. Topics might include favorite song, least favorite relative, biggest pet peeve, biggest turn on, blood type, etc. Write the question on the front and the answer on the back. Then, play the game as usual using points, candy, cash or whatever other fun currency you desire. The one with the most correct answers is off the hook for a week of dishes.

6Engage in each other’s interests

Friendship relies on commonalities. And while it is certainly healthy to have independent pursuits, it is important to be interested in each other’s passions. Become knowledgeable on your honey’s favorite pastime, be it fine wines or football, so that he not only feels comfortable sharing this love with you, but that you also can feed his energy when he does.

7Take up an interest together

Find a new hobby that neither one of you has ever explored but in which you share a mutual interest. This could be something you engage in together, such as an intramural sports team, a book club or a cooking class, or something you try out on your own, such as amateur photography or furniture refinishing. Experiencing something new together will allow you to see each in a fresh way as well as give you two something that is uniquely yours amid the hustle and bustle of life that can pull in you opposite directions.  

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