Whether your sex life is really good or a little bit lacking, it can always be better. If you aren’t getting exactly what you want in the bedroom, let your partner know how to satisfy you.
The easiest way to get what you want from your partner is give them directions. While in bed, move their hand (or other body part) to where you want it and let them know how much you like what they are doing. You can also lend a helping hand by touching yourself in all the right places and expressing your pleasure in what you are doing.
Simple enough, right? Just ask. Most of us don’t ask for what we want when it comes to sex. Whether you are embarrassed, uncomfortable, or shy, you need to get over it. You are comfortable enough to get naked with your partner, therefore, you should be comfortable enough to ask for what you want. Don’t nag. Don’t demand. Just ask. Start out with praising your partner about what you like about your sex life and then just ask for what you’re missing.
Learn to relax
Sometimes it’s not your partner—it’s you. When you are stressed out in the bedroom, you are rarely satisfied. It’s important that you de-stress.
“One of the main reasons women can’t let go and enjoy sex is because they have too much going on inside in their heads, whether it’s stressing about the kids, work, or the dirty laundry,” says sex expert Dr. Laura Berman. “It can be helpful to take some time each night to simply relax and get back in the moment, such as by listening to some music or sharing a glass of wine with your partner.”
Make a deal
Sometimes our partners don’t want exactly what we want in bed, even when we ask directly. Instead of nagging them into doing it, be willing to bargain. Do you have a sexual fantasy that your husband has been hesitant to act out? Make a deal—you’ll act out one of his fantasies if he gets on board with one of yours.
Use praise, not criticism
If you aren’t getting what you want from your partner, don’t focus on the negative. Instead, tell them what you like so they’ll want to please you.
“Be honest, complimentary, and non-accusatory,” says Dr. Berman. “For example, if you want more foreplay, say, ‘I love it when we build up to sex slowly. It turns me on when you spend time on foreplay.’ Much better than saying, ‘Hey, why don’t you ever give me foreplay!'”