Everyone has his flaws. If couples didn’t compromise, there would be no such thing as long-term relationships. But there are some things you should never put up with in a relationship. Here are five of these dealbreakers — and if any of this is going on, it’s time to break up.
What is a dealbreaker?
Relationship dealbreakers are those things that you cannot tolerate in a relationship. Often, they are just personal biases against certain types (ie, smokers, short guys, non-affectionate men, etc). Sometimes, what seems to be a dealbreaker isn’t, because it can be worked on (ie, communication) or tolerated (ie, a loud snorer). Some dealbreakers, however, are just that: Things that, no matter your type or tolerance level, should never be accepted or tolerated if you’re a self-loving woman who wants a healthy partnership.
Resolve never to accept these five relationship dealbreakers, and you will be miles ahead in your search for a compatible, worthy partner.
Your values don’t align.
Opposing values are an easy catalyst for vicious arguments, and rightfully so. Strongly convicted people stand behind, well, what they stand behind. When it comes to raising kids, handling finances, fidelity, basic rights vs wrongs and so on, a like-minded set of values is critical, or the couple runs the risk of constantly clashing. Does that mean that you will always agree? Of course not — but more often than not, you will. And when you don’t, your deep-rooted, value-based respect will allow you to compromise healthfully.
You have incompatible views on the future.
If one of you wants to live a gypsy life with no kids, and the other wants a white-picket-fence home in the ‘burbs with a backyard full of juniors, your relationship won’t work. It will be either a constant battle in which both parties feel stuck and unsatisfied, or one member will be resentful of sacrifices.
He needs a life mechanic.
A healthy relationship begins with two people who come together already complete, mature and ready for the great responsibilities that come with love. Simply put, it is not a woman’s job to raise her man. Your Mr. Right should not rely on you to be his life mechanic, thinking you can fix his financial, psychological or emotional problems. He needs to have healed his mistakes and hurts of the past and now be solid and whole so that he is able to face new challenges confidently when they arise, as well as be a strong support system for you.
You can’t be yourself around him.
You should never feel pressured to be someone you are not just to appease a mate, nor should you feel anything but completely comfortable being your natural self. Wearing a disguise of any type in a relationship is like wearing a padded bra: Eventually, it will be removed, revealing the real you. In a healthy relationship, you should feel safe, liberated and loved enough to be who you are — in all the dimensions of your being — all the time.
There’s abuse… of any kind.
All forms of abuse — whether emotional, physical, sexual or verbal — are detrimental to a relationship. Abuse is clear evidence that one partner wants power over the other. A healthy relationship is a partnership, not a power struggle.
The bottom line: You deserve what you accept, so accept only what you know you deserve.
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