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How to take charge in the bedroom: The Best Sex of Your Life

Some of us skimp on initiating sex. Hey, the man is horny enough for the both of us, right? Wrong. Check out this excerpt from our fab new book, SheKnows Presents: The Best Sex of Your Life, for some tips on how to take charge in the bedroom. Then (of course) mark your calendars for our book’s spring 2010 release date!

pp 53-55

He Wants You to Want Him

In many cultures, even today, men are expected to be macho, to suck it up, and to never cry or show emotion. Women are often still taught to be passive, nonaggressive, and a tender influence in their relationships. On top of that, until recently, women were not taught how to enjoy, much less initiate, sex. It was simply an obligation to be fulfilled in their marriages. Men were supposed to know what to do, when to do it and how to do it.


Taking charge in the bedroom can be a terrifying thought for many women. You may be quite comfortable playing a submissive role in the bedroom and have no desire to change. But, most likely, your man will love it if you initiate sex — and he will show his appreciation in the bedroom. As you know, your partner is not a mind reader and he only knows what you want if you ask for it. So, how do you bring your sexuality more into balance so that both you and your partner can enjoy the experience?


Ladies, don’t underestimate the power of feedback! As a guy, I can tell you that there are times when we’re not quite sure where to go or what to do. Tell us what you want, and we’ll be more than happy to oblige.

As a woman, you have to become comfortable with your sexuality and learn to ask for what you need and desire in a positive and loving manner. Your partner should not be the only one asking for sex; don’t be afraid to be forceful in the bedroom—he’ll love it! Learn to express yourself sexually and take charge.

Taking charge can mean many different things, from simply asking for sex to putting on the most hard-core dominatrix show. What you decide to do depends on your level of comfort in the relationship,
your own sexuality, and what you truly want. We challenge you to push these boundaries on a daily basis.

To get you started, here are 10 quick ways that you can take charge in the bedroom:

1. Send him a text message telling him that you’re in the bedroom naked and horny.
2. Join him in the shower when he’s getting ready for work.
3. Whisper in his ear “I need you. Right now!” and lead him to the bedroom.
4. The next time you have sex, be on top.
5. Give him a blow job while he’s watching TV.
6. Put a blindfold on him or tie his hands behind his back while you have your way with him.
7. Tell him what you want in the bedroom and describe how it feels—in detail.
8. Have him be your sex slave for the day.
9. Send him on a sexual scavenger hunt.
10. Wake him up at night with a sexy surprise.

Get the book

The Best Sex of Your Life hit bookstore shelves nationwide in spring 2010. Order today or contact SheKnows for more information.

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