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How to avoid dating disasters

We’ve all had bad dates, but there are some that are so bad they are elevated to code orange status that, in plebian terms, we simply refer to as ‘disaster.’ Here are four possible scenarios and what to do if you find yourself in the midst of one.

Woman on bad date

Possible disaster #1:

You arrive home from your date only to realize that you’ve had a piece of spinach in your teeth the entire time!

Fix: First dates are all about first impressions and there’s nothing like having food stuck in your teeth or a marinara sauce stain on your dress to give your date the loud and clear message that you’re a slob! You can avoid this by keeping a compact mirror in your handbag to discreetly check yourself at various points through the evening. Also, when eating Italian food, it’s best to avoid wearing white. You’re just inviting spills to happen!

Possible disaster #2:

You’re excited that your date scored reservations at the hot new ‘It’ restaurant until your ex and his new girlfriend show up too and are seated at the next table.

Fix: How awkward! Hopefully, your ex will notice you before he and Miss My-Boobs-Are-Totally-Fake sit down and ask to be seated elsewhere. If not (or if the restaurant is crowded and it’s not possible to move,) here’s what you do: just pretend he’s not there. In fact, even if you are on the most gut-wrenchingly boring date of your life, you act as if your date is the funniest, most glamorous person you’ve ever met and you are having the time of your life. If you do happen to lock eyes with the ex, give him a quizzical look and cock your head a tad, as if he looks familiar but you can’t quite place him and then turn your attention back to your date and meal. If he acknowledges or speaks to you, gush, “Oh, I didn’t recognize you! Nice to see you,” and then say nothing further. You don’t want to let him think that his presence has in any way impacted your meal or made you uncomfortable. You want to appear to be completely and totally over him.

Possible disaster #3:

Your date walks you to the door and you sort of stand there, shuffling through platitudes of “What a great night!” and “We should totally do this again!” when you really just want him to kiss you.

Fix: What is this – high school? You should decide sometime by the end of the date whether you want to kiss him that night or not. If you don’t, it’s easy to avoid any awkwardness – a nice “See ya!” and a wave will do. However, if you do want to kiss him, it’s good to give him signs beforehand. Don’t act like an Ice Queen and then expect him to be overcome with passion. Instead, send flirty signals such as squeezing his hand, touching his hair, giving him long, come-hither glances. And then, at the end of the date, lingering as you say goodbye will no doubt let him know that you are looking forward to locking lips.

Possible disaster #4:

After swapping emails, making goo-goo eyes across from each other, and several dinner dates that turned into breakfast, you and your beau have finally made it to couple-status! You want to shout it from the world until your best friend proclaims that online dating is for losers.

Fix: You have two choices. You can be truthful and tell people how you and your new boytoy met online (which some may find refreshingly honest or refreshingly lame) or you can just tell them that you met playing beach volleyball and just hope they don’t press for specifics. Either way, just get your story straight. If you and Mr. Dreamboat reply “” and “Beach volleyball tournament” simultaneously when asked, people will think you’re covering for something worse, like a “Craigslist Casual Encounters” hook-up.

Remember, it could be worse…

My worst date ever

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