Lock on the bedroom door? Check. Lustful twinkle in your eye? Check. Read on for the bedroom wisdom you can’t live without.
1. Every woman has a surefire happy-making position — find yours
By all means, try new things, mix it up, find an alternate use for your baby’s exersaucer when she’s asleep if it adds to the variety — but figure out your no-fail move or position so you know you can always have an orgasm when you need one.
2. That position may change
Maybe in your misspent youth you were all about acrobatics and funky props, but now you strive for a deep connection with your guy. (Or maybe it’s the other way around!) What you crave, both physically and emotionally, can shift over time, says Mary Jane Minkin, M.D., a clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Yale School of Medicine. Pay attention to what you’re feeling (or not feeling) and adapt to your new normal.
3. He doesn’t have a flaw-o-meter
That would be you scanning your body for an errant pudge or a dimple in the wrong place. “During sexual arousal, men are experiencing such a neurochemical cocktail rush, they’re really just caught up in the intoxication of it all,” says REDBOOK Love Network expert and sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. In other words, he’s too overwhelmed with joy to notice your “flaws.” Put aside your body angst and you’ll soon be having as much fun as he is.
4. Sex in a soft, clean, comfy bed is underrated
You’re supposed to want to do it on the kitchen floor, in the airplane bathroom and hanging from your light fixtures. Bah! There’s no shame in enjoying your good sheets.
5. Sex clichés are clichés for a reason: They work
Get a hotel room. Have date night. Take a bubble bath. For God’s sake, buy some scented candles already!
6. Everyone else is not having more (or better) sex than you are
There is no “normal” amount we should all aspire to, no magic number of times per month that signifies your relationship is hunky-dory. There’s only one question you need to answer — are you having enough sex for you?
7. Asking for what you want is worth the embarrassment
What’s a brief awkward moment of sounding like one of those women at the end of a 900 number compared to, well, getting what you need?