Sources say a woman needs to be in her 30s or 40s to reach her sexual peak. Apparently at that age, it’s easier for you to achieve an orgasm – it’s when you’re the most comfortable with your body. If you’re in that age range, good for you. If you’re not in that age range or you are but have still yet to have easy orgasms, there’s hope for you yet. We reached out to sex-perts for their tips on climaxing. Whether you’re alone or with a partner, these tips will help you get that orgasm.
Do Kegel Exercises
It’s no sexual myth. Dawn T. Clare, Bliss Guide relationship coach and president of SPISE (spiritual, physical, intellectual, sexual and emotional) Bliss, a company that sells products and services for bliss and well-being, says doing Kegel exercises really does stimulate your body and wake up sexual simulation areas. Simply locate your Kegel muscle (that’s the muscle attached to your pelvic bone and act like a hammock holding your pelvic organs). Tighten and relax the muscle over and over roughly 200 times a day or tighten the muscle slowly in increments going in and out like an elevator stopping on several floors.
Men may be known for watching porn and some women even criticize them, but did you know it’s sex-healthy for you to do the same? Clare says that reading erotic stories or watching erotic movies will not only put you in a sexual mood during the activity, but the fantasy might stay in your memory, making you feel hot and sexy when you’re in bed in the future. Consider it exercising your sexual drive.
Study the Clitoris
No surprise here, “it’s important to spend some time learning what kind of stimulation your clitoris enjoys,” explains Chrystal Bougon, Chief Toy Officer of BlissConnection.com. “That means lock the door and spend 30 minutes alone with no phone, TV, or kids around.” Since 95 percent of women have 98 percent of their orgasms from clitoral stimulation, we consider it tried-and-true. Once you familiarize yourself with your clitoris and what it’s capable of, invest in a SIlver Bullet, an inexpensive and simple toy for clitoral stimulation. The “starter toy” has a dial that provides low, medium, and high vibration, and is responsible for giving some users multiple orgasms.
Pay Attention to the Labia
The clitoris doesn’t have to be your only stop during playtime. The labia (lips) that surround the clitoris are full of nerves, too. “In fact, some women enjoy rubbing their labia more than the clitoris,” says Stephanie Buehler, a psychologist, sex therapist, and the director of the Buehler Institute in Orange County, CA. Believe it or not, sometimes directly rubbing the clitoris (especially for a prolonged period of time) can become unpleasant for some women. Although the labia is less sensitive, stimulation still feels very good.
Find Your G-Spot
Women can also have G-Spot orgasms. Lora Somoza, sex advice columnist and author of the eBook, “Bliss in the Bedroom: A Real Woman’s Guide to Better Sex,” advises you to familiarize yourself with your G-spot. Where is it, you ask? “Take your index finger, facing upward, and insert it inside of you about an inch and a half or two,” directs Somoza. “You’ll feel for a small, pea-like bump. That’s the G-spot. If you massage it, it will feel more sensitive and swell a bit during.”
Make Love to Yourself
Enough about anatomy. It’s time to emote. Buehler attests that it’s very important to celebrate yourself. “Make love to yourself while you are trying to experience an orgasm,” she says. “Touch your inner thighs, your buttocks, your breasts, your collar bone, your neck, or your face.” Buehler believes that if you just focus on your clitoris, you are missing half of the fun. In the process, it may take longer to climax, not to mention give you a less satisfying climax. By celebrating your body and your beauty, your mental state aids in the orgasm.
Just like exercise, breathing right is important in helping you achieve an orgasm. “A lot of women forget to breathe mostly because they are thinking and not feeling,” says Somoza. “The biggest ‘G-spot’ is actually the one between your ears, so concentrating on taking deep breaths will help.” During intercourse or masturbation, some women will be surprised to find that they’re holding their breaths or worrying too much that they’re ‘not coming’ – they lose focus. “Get out of your head, breathe deeply and feel it,” adds Somoza.
Lastly, you must believe you’re capable of achieving an orgasm – whether it’s in that instant or ever. Fully understanding that you can have an orgasm will help you get there. Think of it as positive thinking. If you realize that climaxing is a part of the pleasure in sex like eating a scrumptious chocolate truffle in indulgence, then you’re in great shape.
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