If students can use Cliff’s Notes and non-swimmers can use floaties, why can’t relationship-challenged individuals have dating tools at their disposal? Dating can be just as complicated as reading Shakespeare and learning to swim, so it’s only fair to give daters relationship aids and finesse floaties. Go ahead, you can cheat, we won’t tell.
For the Newly Single
New to the dating pool and still learning to cope with your newfound status? Bruised and confused singles can use the After the ($4.50 at knockknock.biz). The emotional tool can help the dating newbie how to wallow, avenge and mend. Just spin the wheel and heal accordingly.
For the Dysfunctional Dater
You just want one to stick – that’s all you ask. Add to that: Avoid a broken heart in the process. “How to Survive Dating” ($12.95 at Barnes and Noble) provides words of wisdom from hundreds of single men and women (who are now probably married). How did they survive dating? More importantly, how were they able to tell if a relationship was not going to work and to run the other direction?
For the Indifferent Significant Other
Although I think daters should avoid resorting to such insensitive means, if you’re a relationship phobe (who still wants a life partner nonetheless), “Hardly Working at Relationships: The Overachieving Underperformer’s Guide to Living Like You’re Single When You’re Not” ($14.95 at amazon.com) can be your ticket at love, without having to put the effort into one.
For the Dating-Indecisive
Should I go? Should I not? If so, then what should I wear? What does he think of me? Should I kiss him or just give him a hug? Maybe a handshake? Ack! Don’t irritate your buds anymore with such nonsense. Instead, ask the Magic Date Ball ($10.25 at amazon.com).
For the Serial Dater
It’s hard to keep track. Date like a pro with The Procedural Dating Kit ($25.99 at www.knockknock.biz). The dating aid incorporates feedback cards, attraction notifications, and a dating dossier. If you find a good match, hand out the exchange form for contact information and exclusivity agreement.
For the Thorough Dater
You’re the ultimate rule-follower with the ideal male specimen in mind. You refuse to date a guy who sports mandals, is bad with correspondence, or acknowledges he’s a momma’s boy. The moment you find out he’s tardy, messy, or cheap, you disappear without explanation. But sometimes it’s hard to spot the winners and rule out the losers. You’ll find all the answers in “The Spotter’s Guide to the Male Species” ($10.36 at amazon.com).
For the Man-Hater
From one bad date to the next, you can’t help but despise the opposite sex. You paid for your own movie ticket (and his) at the children’s rate (his idea, not yours!), and still, he had the nerve to go for a kiss at the date’s termination. Then when you backed away, he suggested a second meeting. As if! Now you just man-hate. Maybe you wanna use this Man Bashing Punching Bag ($24.95 at wishingfish.com).
For the Disgruntled Girlfriend
How hard could it possibly be to put your dirty socks in the hamper, cook once in a while, remember your anniversary? Before you kick your detached, scatter-brained boyfriend to the curb, consider reading the “50 Boyfriends Worse Than Yours” ($9.28 at amazon.com). If he’s worth saving, this book may just be the thing to help you come to that conclusion.
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