Look, it’s 2023. In this day and age, I assume most people — yes, even straight, cisgender folks — know that sexuality is a spectrum. It is also a highly personal and dynamic thing. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with identifying as one sexual orientation for a period of time and changing your mind later.
Alas, it appears one Reddit user didn’t get the memo. Instead, she has accused her sister of “lying” about her lifelong attraction to women after she came out as bisexual and started dating a man.
Writing in the infamous /AmITheAsshole Subreddit, user @Objective_Cup6423 gave us this for context: Her sister (19) made it “clear very young that she is into girls.” She never formally came out, opting instead to do so implicitly by talking about her crushes on girls. It appears her family, including @Objective_Cup6423, just assumed she was a lesbian.
The sister in question “has a really close best friend, Ben, who was always allowed to come over and even sleep at our house, because our parents viewed him as just a friend,” @Objective_Cup6423 continued. “Meanwhile, I was never allowed to have boys over. Their relationship was always a bit suspicious to me, because they were always very close physically, play wrestling with each other and such.” That could mean anything, but I digress.
Lo and behold, @Objective_Cup6423’s sister is now living with Ben at college. She recently revealed to the family that they are, in fact, dating.
“Our parents were really surprised, but they didn’t say anything,” the Redditor wrote. “I pulled her aside to ask what’s up. I see two options: 1) She is not into Ben, but suddenly decided to use him as a beard and go back to the closet for some mysterious reason. 2) She was always into him and they had been secretly dating all this time, and she purposefully lied to our parents to be able to spend more time with Ben.” Excuse me, what?!
The sis had this to say: “She said that she didn’t lie, she needed time to figure out her sexuality, and coming to terms with her bisexuality when everyone treated her like a lesbian since she was 8 didn’t make it easy for her. She also said that if I have a problem with our parents not letting me have boys over, I need to take it up with them, not her.”
A totally valid and measured response to some big presumptions, right? Not according to @Objective_Cup6423: “I think asking her what’s going on was an absolutely fair question, and her reaction is over the board. But on the other hand, I’m straight and I have no clue how it is to grow up openly lesbian/closeted-ly bi. AITA?”
According to Redditors in comments, she was absolutely in the wrong — and perpetuating some seriously harmful biphobic rhetoric. After all, bisexuality is a valid and common orientation. There’s literally no need to “choose” between liking one gender or another, nor is there any rush to come out or figure out how you identify.
“OP: YTA,” one user wrote. “Bisexuality is a thing, and the kind of erasure you’re enacting is part of what makes it so hard for some bi people to sort out their orientation.”
“You all assumed a child’s (!!!) sexuality, but when that child grew up and figured out who they were, it didn’t fit into what you assumed, and now you find an issue with it,” another commenter pointed out. “Your anger is misplaced, and you should be speaking with your parents, not your sister.”
One Redditor astutely noted a “third option” @Objective_Cup6423 missed when she confronted her sister: “She and Ben were friends for that entire time, but she repressed / didn’t understand her feelings and it took [until] college to understand her feelings for him. I know people who identify as gay but later realize they’re bisexual. Sexual identities are fluid!“
“You’re not an asshole for not understanding this,” the Redditor concluded, “but YTA for how you handled it.”
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