There’s no age cap on really good sex — despite what so much about our culture says about people in bodies over the age of 40. While menopause and perimenopause bring a number of changes to your body (particularly from everything going on in your vulva region perspective), that doesn’t mean your sex life needs to slow down. It just means, as you enter this new phase of your reproductive life, you might have different (and potentially better) taste in the kind of sex that feels best to you at any given time!
While the number one rule for sex positions for menopause is to ensure you are listening to your body (using a really good lube and picking toys that make you feel the best) and communicating those needs to your partner, there are a few positions that are more suited to most people’s menopausal vibes. Just remember that you can always adjust and modify positions to make them your own and, when in doubt, chasing what feels natural and good is never a bad move at any age.
Read on for a few positions (and bonus tips) for sex positions during menopause and you’ll be keeping your bedroom hotter than your hot flashes.
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Take a Ride
If you’re a menopausal person who is also the partner that likes being penetrated, getting on top is a great way to give you a bit of control at the depth and pace of penetration. (Plus get some solid grinding action going!) Since you may not want the deepest thrusts, you can be really intentional about how deep, hard and fast your partner’s penis/toy is going.
Oral sex is a very good kind of sex under all circumstances — but especially for folks who are experiencing pain or discomfort from (or just disinterest in) penetration. Intimate and with a fairly high success rate for orgasming, this is a good reminder that your sex can look however you and your partner need or want it to — penetration optional!
Stand and Deliver
If you have had fantasies of you and your partner having sex all over various flat surfaces in your home, boy, do I have some good news for you! Standing sex (particularly the rear-entry, leaning over a plush chair, table, counter, etc.) is great for people in menopause. The backside, doggy-like entry allows you and your partner to control the depth of penetration and being on your feet lets hands come out to play for ample stimulation of other erogenous zones. It’s a great way to up your intensity while also being mindful of the ways the partner being penetrated might experience pain or discomfort.
Modified Missionary: Pillow Fort Edition
Modifying any sex position you love to make it a bit more comfy for you is a good practice no matter where you are in your reproductive life — but it’s something that’s totally worth it for seasoned pros in menopause. If painful sex is an issue, first you’re going to want to hit up your favorite lube (we have some recommendations, obviously) and then use a pillow (it can be a special fancy one for sex (something neat like the Liberator Jaz or their Ramp and Wedge Combo) , or just one or two of your regular bedroom pillows) to prob up your lower back, aligning your pelvis just a bit higher to help a penis or toy to enter with less pain.
The angle, if you aren’t already familiar and a fan, is also pretty great for G-spot stimulation and giving solid access to the clit, so win/win there.
TL;DR Creativity, Communication (& Lots of Lube) Will Get You Far
One really great thing about sex during menopause is that you are, ideally, at a place where you know what feels good to your body (you’ve been in it long enough!) and you know how to listen to yourself and your needs and wants. So take that knowledge and don’t be afraid to try out the toys you’ve always wanted and the positions that stir up the most excitement. Do that and you’ll stay sexy forever.