Drum roll please…the moment we’ve been waiting for has come: Gwyneth Paltrow’s wellness brand, Goop, has officially dropped its 2020 gift guide, and it’s chock-full of the most OMG-worthy gifts you’d expect. Judging off of Goop’s previous earth-shattering product drops and offerings, no item is too out there to include on their very covetable shopping pages (we’re looking at you Orgasm-Scented Candle). So, as you can imagine, Goop’s holiday gift guide gets pretty wild. We’re talking a vulva coloring book, a music machine controlled by your plants — nope, we’re not even making this up!
Goop has perfected the art of selling us the most intrinsic — and often head-scratching items we never knew we needed — and the holiday gift guide is anything but short of Goop-y gifts. They’ve broken down things into categories, such as a wellness gift guide (duh), The Ridiculous But Awesome gift guide — and (gasp!) an under $100 gift guide. Who knew Goop would do such a thing?
You bet we’ve done a thorough investigation of all the gifting recs happening over at Goop.com, so we rounded up the most outlandish, coolest, and unique gifts you’ll want to put under the Christmas tree (or keep away from the kids in your nightstand drawer). You’re about to win at holiday gifting if you’ve got a Goop-obsessed person on your list— even if that person is you. And if you feel like you need a tall glass of water after going through this gift guide, might we suggest perusing through Nordstrom’s or our ultimate gift guide?
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An Actual Adult Coloring Book
Everyone’s been investing in adult coloring books as of late, but we’re guessing it doesn’t include this kind of adult coloring book. Yup, you know exactly what’s coming just with one glance at the photo: a vulva coloring book, of course! We also scouted it on Amazon for a steal.
Musical Plant Machine
ICYMI, plants can apparently make music now? Like all living things, plants give off electrical currents, which this handy-dandy device captures and translates into music. We’re not even kidding. All you gotta do is attach the sensors to your plant babies — your fiddle leaf fig, ficus, or your succulent and wait for the music to begin. Not convinced? Guess you gotta buy one for yourself to hear it in action!
The Vagina Candle
Ah yes, the $75 candle that broke the internet is back again. While none of us asked what Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina smells like, we can report that the candle (probably) smells nothing like her lady parts. With notes of geranium, cedar, and damask rose, this candle is actually quite pleasant. Oh, and now there’s a prenup candle because, obviously. Insider tip: Goop has it on Amazon.
Must-Have Sex Toy
It wouldn’t be a Goop gift guide without a sex toy, right? With 12 intensity levels and 10 vibration modes, this vibrator is about to become your best friend. It boasts two different heads that you can adjust separately to help you reach that blissful orgasm. Psst: Another one of Womanizer’s toys is so good, it made us pass out.
Chic Baby Essential
It’s not all NSFW when it comes to Goop’s gift guide picks — there are actually some swoon-worthy baby essentials for you and the other stylish mamas in your life. Take this rainbow teether, for example. This double-sided teether is made with food-grade silicone, and if you stick it in the freezer a few minutes before giving it to baby, it’ll offer even more cooling relief.
One thing we can’t argue with when it comes to Goop’s approach to life? Getting more zen — especially in this year we call 2020. Thanks to this acupressure mat set, along with stretching and breathing exercises you can do on it, it should be a lot easier to find some peace, whenever you need it.
Boujee Poker Game
While you’re at it, treat yourself to something nice with one of these 100 vibrators we’d tell all our friends to get: