There are a number of ways to have discreet sex — mostly because there are a number of reasons you’d want to have discreet sex. The first way: Keep things quiet. Maybe you’re in a house full of people, or maybe the walls between your home and your neighbor’s home are seriously thin. No matter the cause, your aim is to keep the noise to a minimum. The second way: Keep things subtle. This is usually only the goal when you’re having sex somewhere you (maybe) shouldn’t be or when you’re trying to avoid kids storming your bedroom at an inopportune time. But regardless of what’s going on, you’ll want to keep things from looking (or sounding) like you’re having sex.
Many people define “great sex” as a single kind of sex — a particularly raucous, aggressive, and perhaps adventurous kind of sex. But this understanding of what makes sex great is reductive. Because the truth is, discreet sex positions can be just as thrilling as some of their more obviously dramatic counterparts. In fact, trying to keep the act a little bit quiet, a little subtle, and a little bit under-wraps can render it more exhilarating than it otherwise might be. Quiet, close sex can be intimate and special as it is discreet!
And an obvious reason you’d prefer a more discreet sex position? You want to keep things low-key. Sometimes you just don’t feel like putting on a big show, or making a ton of noise, or—honestly—trying very hard. Sex doesn’t have to be super active to be fulfilling. And these discreet sex positions (all quiet-toy friendly) are a great way to get yours without doing anything over-the-top.
So consider this an open invitation to embrace the inherent (and all too underrated) excitement of discreet sex. Challenge yourself to keep things quieter, subtler, more low-key — and see what you find. Maybe you’ll stumble upon a new favorite position — or a new favorite way of having sex altogether.
The Fairy is quiet, low-key, and subtle all at once. Have your partner sit down on a chair, the couch, or the edge of your bed. Their back should be straight up, and their legs should be grazing the ground. Then, sit on their lap, with your back facing their chest. Place your hands on their legs for stability, and slide up and down — or invite your partner to rock you forward and backward. Either way, you’ll end up with a position that’s as subtle as it is stimulating.
The Lazy Evening
The Lazy Evening is like spooning sex — but even lazier. Assume the classic spoon snuggling position, and then drape your legs wherever feels best, and invite your partner to do the same. From there, you can both prop yourselves up on your elbows (but only if you feel like it!) and explore some from-behind penetration. The Lazy Evening is particularly fit for discreet, low-key nights spent on the couch—when even walking to the bedroom feels like too much work.
Invite your partner to kneel so far down that their butt grazes their feet. Then, face them, and kneel down with your legs straddling either side of their body. From there, you can pull them close, shower them kisses, and grind as slowly, gently, and quietly as you want.
The Shining is really just 69 turned sideways — a twist that makes the position even less effortful for everyone involved. The Shining can get as quiet, low-key, and physically subtle as you want it to be, making it a shoo-in for your discreet sex position rotation.
The Ice Cream
Ask your partner to sit on their knees — on the floor, your bed, or some other location of your choosing. Stand over them, facing away from them, with your feet straddling either side of their knees, and then squat down until you’re sitting in their lap. (There are, of course, other ways of assuming this position. This one just paints the clearest picture of what you should look like at the end of it.)
Steady yourself by keeping your feet on the ground, and place your hands on your partner’s legs to bolster yourself further. From there, you can slide up and down or grind forward and backward as gently and quietly as you like.
The Lizard is little more than classic missionary—flipped upside down to put you on top. Simply ask your partner to lie down, and then straddle them, leaning all the way forward so your lips touch their lips and your legs graze their legs. Lying down like this will force you both to focus on gliding and grinding, thus minimizing the noise you can make. Whereas cowgirl and missionary can get surprisingly loud (especially as far as your bed is concerned), the Lizard is a decidedly discreet and quiet option.
Ask your partner to sit down with their legs crossed. Then, sit inside their lap, facing them, and lift your legs until your knees are draped over your partner’s shoulders. They can grab your upper thighs to help stabilize you, and you can wrap your hands around their head or neck to pull them close. Work from there to find an angle that feels great for both of you, and experiment with classic in-and-out penetration that’s contained enough to feel quiet, subtle and discreet (not to mention, incredibly intimate).
Whether you’re lying on your bed or snuggling on a beach somewhere, the Thirst offers a great way to turn up the heat without drawing a ton of attention to what you’re doing. Simply lie on your side, facing your partner, and invite your partner to do the same. From there, you can wrap your arms around each other, intertwine your legs and stay as clothed (or get as unclothed) as you like.
Lie on your side, and invite your partner to do the same—but ask them to lie perpendicular to you, and to slide their mid-section between your thighs so that the two of you can make eye contact. From there, they can penetrate you, or the two of you can engage in some serious foreplay. The Tamer will keep your movement from getting too aggressive, while still allowing you to experiment with a new position. Because really, when was the last time you had sex intertwined like a plus sign?
A version of this story was published February 2020.