Taking a few moments each day to consciously ground yourself in your body can facilitate tantric connections to sexual partners that lift your libido, induce intensified orgasms and support your overall sexual wellness. Simply, there’s something about being with yourself that enhances your experiences being with others. A growing body of research suggests that meditation can improve the quality of your sex life. In fact, one study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy suggests that vagina-owners who meditate tend to have more fulfilling sex lives with improved sexual function and better overall mental health than those who don’t.
It’s easy to understand why. After all, meditation is touted for reducing stress and alleviating anxiety, which can take a toll on your physical and mental health and, in turn, can affect your libido. Meditation supports self-awareness, which can improve your confidence during partnered sex and allow for honest sexual expression. It facilitates empathy and thus can enrich your connection to your partner. Some of the most recent research, published in Frontiers in Psychology, finds that meditation enhances social cognition — including emotional recognition. And, of course, recognizing and respecting your emotions during intimacy is key to a healthy sex life.
But sitting with yourself for even five or 30 minutes a day can seem like an intimidating, daunting and difficult practice —especially if you don’t have any guidance. That’s why SheKnows spoke with experts to share exactly what to do and how to do it. Here area few meditation mantras, breathing techniques, positions and other mindfulness techniques to boost your sex drive and improve your sexual wellness:
Practice letting go of shame.
It’s important to remember that your meditation practice is for you and, therefore, unique to you. Meditation is not about turning your head off; rather, it’s about making the space for yourself to be grounded in the moment, in your body and in your environment and allowing your thoughts to inevitably pass without attaching to them or judging them.
“There is no wrong way to meditate. Realizing this and relaxing into the style that is best for you builds up and deepens the practice,” says Victoria Rader, an energy transformation expert behind YU2SHINE. “To start, make yourself comfortable —how you are sitting is less important to how comfortable you are, and, yes, you can shift as needed. This is your body, your meditation practice. Taking ownership of it and enjoying it opens the same receptors of confidence and enjoyment that allow you to improve your intimate experiences, as well.”
Learning how to take ownership of your practice without shaming yourself for the ways in which your mind works is a transferable skill. With it, you can learn to take ownership of your sexuality without shaming yourself for the ways in which you choose to express or enjoy it.
Recite sexually empowering mantras.
Bringing yourself back to sexually empowering mantras when your mind wanders can strengthen your sexuality. Rader suggests closing your eyes and taking a long breath in through your nose and out through your mouth “as if you have a straw.” Repeat this deep breathing while you mentally recite this intimacy mantra: “I am sexual and sensual, spiritual and strong, all at the same time.”
“As your mind drifts off, return to the phrase whenever you are aware it has happened,” she says. “Start with just two to three minutes and build up to 20 minutes a day, and continue until you see a natural smooth improvement in your sex life.”
Perform sexually stimulating breathing techniques on your own.
There are several sexually stimulating breathing techniques that you can use on your own and with your partner. Breathing in and out through your nose, for example, allows for more oxygen than breathing through your mouth — and that can give you a natural nitric oxide high that could deepen your pleasure. One way to do this is by a four count.
“Begin by gently closing your eyes and bringing your hands together by your heart center with the finger-tips lightly touching — thumbs point to the heart and other fingers point outward (like a pyramid),” explains Veronica Parker, a certified Kundalini Yoga teacher and mediation expert. “Now, inhale deeply through your nose to the count of four. Suspend your breath in (without trying too hard) to the count of four. Exhale your breath for four through your nose.”
Repeat this breathing technique for a minimum of four times and up to 11 minutes, Parker suggests. And, when you gently open up your eyes upon completion, notice how you are feeling. “Notice what is different,” she says. “How much more vulnerable are you willing to be? How much more ease and joy are you willing to receive? How much more presence, fun and intensity are you willing to have?”
With this in mind, you can also try quite literally breathing into your vagina: “One of my personal favorite breathing techniques is to take a deep breath in feeling it in your genital areas,” says Michele Lefler, owner of Living Moon Meditation. “I feel it better when I slightly press out on my vaginal muscles… It really gets the blood flowing for me.”
Perform sexually stimulating breathing techniques with your partner.
There are also meditative breathing techniques you can practice with your partner in a meditative foreplay. Syncing your breaths, for example, can be a sexually stimulating exercise that you can do together before and during sex.
“Breathing is powerful and fast tool to get on the same wavelength as your partner,” says Ava Johanna, a celebrity yoga and meditation teacher and host of the wellness podcast, The Alchemized Life. “Add in tantric breathing during foreplay by syncing your opposite breath to your partner. For example, as you inhale, your partner exhales. Like a battery, we are turned on through opposing charges, and we can do this through the breath.”
Another breathing technique you can do with your partner involves placing your hands over one another’s hearts: “Sit facing each other, close the eyes and take a few deep clearing breaths,” says Danielle Mercurio, a confidence coach, podcast host and speaker. “Pulling all the way down into the belly and exhaling through the mouth. Each person places a hand over their partner’s heart—creating connecting and oneness. Say aloud, taking a pause between each prompt, ‘I see you, I hear you, I feel you.’”
Set a timer for three to seven minutes or play a song to breathe together, holding this pose, creating a connection and forming a bond. Once the time or song is finished, open your eyes and take three deep clearing breathes to close out: “This activity build trust and promotes feelings of euphoria that may lead into sex,” Mercurio says.
Open and balance the root and sacral chakras.
Balanced root and sacral chakras are vital to a healthy sex life. The root chakra helps you to feel balanced and grounded in connection to the earth, while the sacral chakra is an energy space for your pleasure.
“Focus on both, because they are the first two chakras. Sometimes the sacral chakra is not balanced because the root chakra isn’t,” Lefler says. “So, when you open the root, the energy can flow up into the chakras above it.”
So how do you do that? There are a few techniques Lefler describes. One of the simplest techniques is a visualization meditation. Since each chakra has a color associated with it, you can meditate on the colors of the root and sacral chakras, which are red and orange, respectively.
“Close your eyes and visualize yourself sitting inside an egg, which represents your aura,” she explains. “Once you see yourself surrounded by the egg, imagine a red smoke pouring out of your root chakra… out of the base of your trunk at your perineum. See the smoke filling the egg.” The egg will fill with red smoke until you can no longer see yourself, and you’re left to breathe the red smoke in and out until it turns you, too, red.
Now, see yourself in the egg with orange smoke pouring out of your sacral chakra, which is located in your lower belly, and repeat the practice.
Experiment with feeling sensations of touch.
Masturbation can be a form of meditation when you focus on feeling your body—though these touches don’t necessarily have to be made with sexual intent. The point is to notice different sensations in your body, so you can bring that same attention to sexual intimacy and induce intensified pleasure.
“Mindfulness can be as simple as stroking different body parts and focusing on the feelings and sensations it brings to your body,” Lefler explains. To practice this technique during partnered sex, bring an abiding focus to your partner’s touch.
“When you’re with your partner and they are stimulating you, focus all of your awareness on the single spot they are stimulating — even if they’re simply rubbing your shoulders or massaging your breasts,” Johanna adds. “This mindful practices during sex enhances the sensation in the region of focus.”
You might even want to experiment with touch to a sound bath, which is a relaxing “bath” of sound waves produced by the human voice and instruments like chimes, gongs, drums and singing bowls.
“Sound therapy helps release stress and mental fog, as well as promote overall physical stimulation, wake up the cells and move through blood flow,” Mercurio says. “As the vibrations of the sounds fill the room, the body may tingle and feel new sensations, so by holding hands, connecting and touching, you are amplifying these feelings together.”
She then recommends retreating to a safe intimate space where you can let the energy build naturally, communicating with your bodies: “Let it organically move into sex from there,” she suggests.
Meditate in physically open positions.
Openness is key to a healthy sex life—an open mind and open body language allow for deepened pleasure. That’s why meditating on openness in a physically open position can be a valuable practice.
“There are several meditative positions to try as you explore breathing and mindfulness techniques,” says Jessica Palmer, a Philadelphia-based yoga studio owner, yoga instructor and meditation teacher. “The first is a reclined butterfly pose.”
To achieve this pose, begin in a reclined position, laying flat on your back with your eyes softly closed. Bring the soles of your feet to the floor, touching one another, and knock your knees out wide. You can place your palms on your hips. “From butterfly pose, draw your awareness to your hips, and embrace the word ‘opening,’” Palmer says.
Another position is a wall-assisted, wide-legged straddle. Lay flat on the floor facing the wall, and extend your legs straight up on the wall. Inch as close to the wall as possible. Then drop your right leg to the right and your left leg to the left in a wide split. “From your wide-legged straddle, draw your awareness to the backs of your legs and embrace an empowering word of your choice,” Palmer says. “As you meditate from recline butterfly or your wide-legged forward fold, consider those ways in which you feel most open and empowered with a partner. When do you feel most loved by them and most confident around them? Mindfully consider what brings you ease as you settle in to the opening of these meditative positions.”
With this practice, you may notice the next time you engage in partnered sex that you physically and mentally open up more.