Whether it’s sexting with your partner, plotting your next rendezvous, or talking dirty in the heat of the moment, communicating with the person you’re tangoing with can be the sexiest part of the dance. Unfortunately, communication has gotten a bad name. Some people think it’s boring or that it gets in the way of the fun. But I beg to differ. When it comes to sex, every step of the way should be part of the fun.
Here are five ways that make communication the sexiest sex act of all.
All too often, once you become a couple, the flirting falls to the wayside. But remember how much fun, let alone how sexy, flirting was when you first met? The naughty implications. The sexy inside jokes. The teasing in low whispers when you were out in public. The thing about flirting is that it not only gets you in the mood, it also keeps you in the mood. So, bring back the flirt. There’s no reason you can’t keep flirting alive in your relationship no matter how long you’ve been together. Leave a naughty love note in her work bag. Whisper sweet nothings in his ear when he leaves for the office. Tell her how sexy she looks with her hair in a messy bun and her favorite PJs on. Use your words to let one another in on your thoughts. Flirting is about always keeping the ball in the air and never knowing just when you might get to put it into play.
Sending naughty texts can be a dangerous game. But if you follow a few simple rules, you can have your fun and avoid any trouble. First, send out a warning flag and then wait for a response. If you partner gives the all-clear, feel free to hit send. Two, delete after texting. Yes, texts live on forever in cyber space. But the biggest thing you have to worry about is someone seeing them on your phone rather than the FBI pulling up your “file.” So, send and then delete. Three, don’t feel like you have to go all XXX all the time. You don’t have to send nudes or even suggestive poses. A simple shot of your hands or your lips can do the trick. And you don’t have to sound like you’ve just stepped out of a porn. Sexting can be as simple as, “I can’t wait to get you at home all to myself tonight.” When it comes to sexting, less is most certainly more.
Here’s another thing that has gotten a bad rap: consent. If the connection is new, asking is not just sexy, it’s required. But it doesn’t have to be awkward. Instead of saying, “Can I kiss you?” How about whispering, “I’d like to kiss you, but only if you’re ready” or something similarly sweet and saucy. The same – or similar – words can be used as the rendezvous progresses. Always be prepared for a no, of course. But if you are reading the signs and not pushing past what you’re seeing and hearing, asking for consent should really be a sexy formality. And that is precisely what can make it hot for an already established couple. Asking your girlfriend if you can do something you’ve already done many times shows your respect for her, and respect is always sexy. And asking him if you can take off his clothes – or yours – even when you’ve been naked together time and time again is sure to kick things into high gear. Most men enjoy it when they are treated as more than a foregone conclusion.
This can be a tricky one. But I have a little secret for you – you don’t have to try so hard. The problem with talking dirty is that people think there is a right way and a wrong way to do it and that the right way is either super dirty or super flowery. But neither one generally works. The magic is in the balance. Think sweet and sexy. Focus on complimenting your partner and narrating what you are doing or about to do rather than sounding like a hardcore porn script. It won’t take long to learn which words and ideas do it for your partner and don’t. Start out slow and simple and work your way up and be prepared to have your partner say certain thoughts and phrasing are not her or his cup of tea. When you’re ready, try outlining a fantasy, maybe sex in public or trying something you’ve never done or even inviting your favorite celeb in on the fun. The key is to read your partner. You’ll know what’s working and what to skip. Trust me.
Sometimes, the sexiest thing of all is sharing your thoughts on what you do – and do not – find sexy. Choose some quiet alone time when no one is around and you have nowhere to be and take that opportunity to really talk about your sex life. What’s working? What isn’t? What would you like to try? What do you never want to hear in bed again? What accessories do you want to give a whirl? What words would you like to hear whispered in your ear? What would you like to see your partner wearing? All too often we expect our partners to be mind readers. But no one is a mind reader. So make a sexy date with your partner to share your dirtiest thoughts and ideas — you just might be surprised about what your partner has to share. More often than not, these conversations lead to some exceptionally good sex.