Michelle Williams may be best known for her role in Destiny’s Child, but she is also a staunch mental health advocate. In fact, in 2013, Williams opened up about her struggles with depression for the first time. During that interview, she revealed that her darkest days were behind her — she was choosing to “be happy” — but earlier this year, Williams admitted she was struggling (again) and she checked herself into a mental health treatment facility. Now, she is opening up about just how dark things got.
In an interview with People, Williams said she had believed she was over her depression. She said, “I thought, ‘I’m good!’ I’ve got love, I’m working out.'” But she was angry. Very angry.
“The rage built up in me,” Williams said. “I did not attempt suicide, but I was questioning [life].”
Williams first began struggling with depression she was a teen, and her illness worsened during her time with Destiny’s Child. However, in a 2017 interview on The Talk, she explained she wasn’t diagnosed with depression until her 30s.
“I didn’t know until I was in my 30s what was going on… [I thought it was] growing pains. [I was] turning into a woman.”
And those “pains” returned this spring while Williams was preparing for her upcoming reunion performance at Coachella with Beyoncé and Kelly Rowland.
“The entire year we were rehearsing every day for hours,” Williams told People. “I was burying it, and before you knew it, I was looking up out of the pit.”
Williams hit her breaking point.
“I’d been there before in that darkness,” Williams said. “I was like ‘No, you better go [to the hospital].’ By the time I got there, I was stable.”
Of course, we hope Williams remains stable: happy, healthy and stable. However, Williams is keenly aware that for some, mental illness is a lifelong battle. The good news is that she has a renewed commitment to herself.
“People fall off the fitness wagon, people fall of the wellness wagon, but I can’t fall off the [therapy] wagon,” Williams said. “I have to get healed to live this happy life.”
If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, visit SuicidePreventionLifeline.org or text “START” to 741-741 to immediately speak to a trained counselor at Crisis Text Line.