Oftentimes, couples overlook anal foreplay when it comes to their sex lives. But many people don’t realize how pleasurable anal foreplay can be.
“One might assume that their partner isn’t into the idea of anal play due to the cultural stigma in regard to anal sex, that it is hygienically dirty or that play means full penetration is what the partner actually wants and that would hurt,” says Dr. Kat Van Kirk, a licensed marriage and sex therapist and author of The Married Sex Solution: A Realistic Guide to Saving Your Sex Life.
But couples should give anal foreplay a try because it feels good. There is nothing wrong or taboo about feeling good so long as you are safe and consensual. So whether you’re you’re new to anal play or experienced, here are eight hot tips to make anal play a lot steamier.
1. Have a vaginal orgasm first
Women might find it helpful to have an orgasm first or at least have lots of foreplay before experimenting with anal play, suggests Stacy Rybchin, founder and CEO of My Secret Soiree and My Secret Luxury. “This helps to relax the body, including the muscles of the anus, which automatically clench when we’re stressed, self-conscious, rushed or uncomfortable.”
2. Massage the butt
An erotic massage is a good way to loosen up the receiver. With light squeezing and rubbing, work your way from the cheeks to right around the anus. This will help both of you relax.
3. Anal play does not have to mean anal penetration
Many people think that anal play means penetration, but it doesn’t. Anal play can be simply stroking, tickling, licking or vibration at the entrance of the anus or on the butt. You can use anything from fingers and feathers to vibrators. But if you’re new to penetration, go slow.
4. Lube up
Unlike the vagina, the anus does not make any of its own lubrication. “We prefer anal lubricant, which is thicker than regular water-based lubricant but still feels wet. We always recommend thicker anal lubricant because it protects you from harmful bacteria and helps with a more comfortable experience,” says Rybchin. She suggests Sliquid Sassy Lubricant, which provides extra protection.
5. Fingers first
“Get used to the sensation by fingering around the rim and perineum. And don’t forget the clitoris. Attention to the clitoris either with a sex toy or fingers will help her relax into it,” says Van Kirk.
6. Anal sex toys could be the way to go
But work your way up with regard to both length and girth. “Anal plugs are great because these toys are hands-free, so they allow you to use your hands in other ways. Butt plugs can be combined with all kinds of sexual play, including vaginal intercourse, masturbation and oral sex,” says Rybchin. Just make sure the toy can be easily retrieved.
7. Shower together
Before, during or after could make anal play more appealing and satisfying for one or both of you. While hygiene shouldn’t be an issue, mentally, cleaning each other and touching this area in the shower may make it easier to get turned on and ready for the possibility of penetration.
8. Communicate with your partner
Like with most everything in relationships, make sure you and your partner are communicating throughout the entire experience. Whether something feels good or hurts, let them know. Tell them to stop, slow down or speed up depending on how it feels.