It’s always interesting to hear the tips different women use to turn up the heat in the bedroom — especially when that woman’s profession involves writing about sex. Sexperts know these kind of things, after all. Who better to give you honest, sexy and useful advice than someone writing the erotica stories you’re already obsessed with.
Erotica fiction author Shindy Chen, whose own sexual experiences inspired her new erotica novel, The First Time, shared her top tips for women who want to embrace and explore different ways of experiencing pleasure and connecting with partners. Here are Chen’s go-to moves.
This is one of the best and most obvious segues to sex, says Chen. “When you’re in bed naked, your hands can drift all over and explore each other’s bodies. And don’t be shy about it; use it as an excuse to get comfortable and encourage your partner to do the same.”
Have sex in the morning or after a workout
“After a workout, both of your endorphin levels are sky-high, and it’s easiest to take advantage of those sweaty, raging pheromones with a sexy release,” says Chen. “If your partner is male, consider a morning quickie, when their testosterone levels are peaking.”
Spend more time making out
Before the big event or even foreplay, try just going back to basics by kissing each other. “Kissing is sexy, and you can get super-aroused if you focus on it completely. Change it up with lip nibbles, lip-licking and even some deep tongue kissing. It might even bring back memories of how exciting it was when you two shared your first kisses,” says Chen.
Set the scene
“It’s true that people light candles to soften the mood, but it’s also a great excuse to dim the lights and signal that you’re ready for intimacy. Start with a single beautiful scented candle, and then lower the lights. The soft light and romantic scents are a great romance kick-starter,” says Chen.
Get a couple-centric sex toy
Vibrators or even feathers work, and it doesn’t have to be super-expensive. Chen suggests something that stimulates both you and your S.O. “The We-Vibe is a nice toy that both partners can enjoy and is discrete since it folds up into its own case and easily charged,” she says.
Give basic positions like missionary a makeover
Missionary doesn’t have to be boring, says Chen. “One way to enhance the stimulation of your clitoral area is to put a pillow under your tailbone and butt, so that your pelvis is raised and the lower half of your body is at an incline,” she says.”This changes the way you receive your partner and the angles with which you can bump and grind, leading to greater clitoral and more concentrated vaginal stimulation, which can help you achieve orgasm.”
Make doggy-style work for you
At first glance, the position seems pretty animalistic and not focused on getting the bottom partner off. But, Chen says, this position can be just as pleasurable for a female recipient. “While on all fours, with your partner behind you, guide your partner’s hand around, and with a finger or two begin gently stroking your clitoris while being penetrated from behind. Done properly, slowly and gently, you can build up to an explosive orgasm.”
If you’re looking for more ways to eroticize your love life, Chen suggests these erotic reads, movies and shows, which helped inspire her while she was writing her own novel.
The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty, by A.N. Roquelaure: “I will warn folks, though, while it is beautifully written, it is not a fairy tale. In fact, it is very graphic and the main themes are of bondage and submission,” says Chen.
Little Birds by Anais Nin: “One of the first famous erotica authors, this one is a delicate book of 12 short stories, none of which are entirely explicit, but more sensual in their intentions, stories and characters.”
The First Bad Man by Miranda July: “This is not categorically erotica, but it certainly pushes the envelope on intimacy and what could be defined as perverse in today’s age.”
The Handmaiden: “This Korean movie just gets better and better as you watch, with twists and turns to the very end. It is impossibly sexy, and is Old Boy — a movie that was also directed by Chan-wook Park — meets Blue is the Warmest Color.”
Damage: “If you want to go way back in my film repertoire, then you’ll want to watch this incredibly erotic masterpiece directed by Louis Malle, starring Jeremy Irons and Juliette Binoche.”
Slutever blog by Karley Sciortino: “Karley and her team of bloggers are modern-day Carrie Bradshaws, only more raw and crazy, but just as funny.”
Our mission at SheKnows is to empower and inspire women, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.
A version of this story was published March 2017.
Before you go, check out our 69 bucket list sex positions: