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What people really fight about with their partners

All partners squabble with each other. Sometimes it’s over the big issues like money and in-laws, but just as often it’s over those seemingly inconsequential things like whose turn it is to scoop the cat litter or the proper way to load the dishwasher.

It’s one of those facts of life we all experience but don’t often share. That’s why we asked the SheKnows Community to tell us what they really fight with their partner about. Whether it’s the serious stuff or the absurd, they’ve dealt with it all.

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The silly

“We fight over who is actually funnier. I know I’m a real hoot but he’s funny too and for some reason we both want the title of the funniest in this relationship!”

“My husband and I fight over if he closed the door while he is going #2. I always fuss with him and I ask him if he has the air freshener in there with him! I am so sorry but it smells so bad! I bought some Poo Pouri because it’s just that bad and I hate the smell!”

“My husband and I argue about stuff that we remember differently. For example, to this day he believes we wrote our own wedding vows, and we simply didn’t!”

“Grocery shopping with my husband always ends the same way – a silent car ride home. From buying all the things we don’t need, to shopping in the wrong order so our bread is definitely coming home with us crushed by a can of whole kernel corn, to me explaining (again) about how it is our family goes through more toilet paper than any family in America. Shopping with my husband always leads to an argument!”

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The serious

“We fight about our roles in the family. My partner has a very rigid set idea of what his role in our family is — leader, provider, man, and what my role as wife and mother is – nurturer, teacher, and mom (for all that entails, including taking care of the household duties). He’s had this idea for years, since longer than I’ve known him. While I don’t consider myself a feminist, I would never ascribe specific duties or ‘roles’ based on our respective sex. In my view, we are partners and we roll with the punches instead of falling apart when we can’t meet unattainable goals and expectations we’ve set for ourselves. It’s a cause for great turmoil in our house, especially as my partner has been out of work for a few months and is struggling with being able to be ‘the man.'”

“My husband holds on to everything and I am very in the moment. I have no fuse — totally combustible at all moments. But once I fire up, I cool off and let it go. He is the opposite and it is so frustrating.”

“Since I have been diagnosed with having multiple liver tumors, I have been feeling like my health issues are getting worse, and that I am not the same person I used to be. I get sick very often, and my chronic pain is ongoing. I am afraid of my loving husband not loving me anymore. I am afraid that he will cheat, even though he is so faithful. I am afraid that my health issues will become worse, and that our life together will fall apart. That is what we argue about the most these days. He tries to tell me that I am fine, and that we are fine, and I sometimes accuse him of not loving or liking me anymore. He says that I am still healthy and strong. Trying to keep everything together is a challenge, but we are trying to roll with the punches, and celebrate our little victories. But I must admit that my insecurities do sometimes get the best of me.”

“Most often, we argue because of my insecurities, especially if I feel like he’s being flirty or someone who used to have a crush on him comes around. In my past relationships where I couldn’t trust my partner it has caused me to be insecure with my now very trustworthy partner. He’s great at being understanding and I’m grateful for it, but usually an argument happens before I get my head about me and realize I have nothing to worry about with him.”

“My partner and I differ on the discipline techniques that we use for our children. In a typical heated scenario, I recognise that the children are genuinely confused with his message, and I am dying to say that but we had made a pact that we will never tell off each other in front of the kids because they need to see that we are a team. I try to soften the matter, usually by a deflecting question and he gets the cue and softens too. In extreme cases, we get behind the door and start a full-blown fight! His most common accusation is that the kids know I will come to the rescue and that makes them even more slack. However, I am of the opinion that they genuinely respect us and tend to slack off only when they see everyone slacking (Mom is lounging around, Dad is playing music, etc). My mantra is to infuse discipline into the atmosphere by getting everyone to chip in.”

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