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Sean Hannity addresses America’s uteruses

Ladies! Arise from your fainting couches. Sean Hannity says our uteruses will be fine.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “I didn’t even realize Sean Hannity had gynecological experience at all, let alone familiarity with my unique womb!” That’s where you and your tiny lady brain would be wrong. He does, and according to him, there’s nothing to worry about. (Not to mention the fact that not all people with uteruses identify as women.)

More: Ohio may adopt the most restrictive abortion law in the country

In the opening monologue of his show last night, Hannity bemoaned the “collective freak-out from the crybaby left” that has apparently happened since the election. He then cites women cutting and dyeing their hair, talking about the “Trump 10” – weight gain since the election and low libido as examples of our overblown reactions to the potential of seeing a serious erosion of our rights and bodily autonomy with the incoming Trump administration.

He played a clip of Whoopi Goldberg on The View warning the audience to “watch your uterus,” and his response to that was the reassurance we’ve all been aching for since the wee hours of the morning of Nov. 9:

“Ladies, your uteruses will be fine.”

This is just the latest in a long tradition of utilizing uteruses as a means of undermining and controlling women. You may be familiar with hysteria, or the medical condition ancient and Victorian women got from having a “wandering womb,” which would typically require treatments and/or institutionalization to fix. While hysteria was officially declassified as a mental illness all the way back in 1980, some aspects — like using “hysterical” to mean mentally disturbed — linger.

Call me hysterical, but I believe Sean Hannity. I do think our uteruses will be fine.

More: 5 things that should have royally pissed you off this week

The thing is, they need our uteruses because they are how to grow babies. What we should be concerned about are the bodies that house the uteruses. The bodies and pesky brains of the women who possess the uteruses are the real stumbling block.

Time and time again, Republicansponsored legislation has reduced women to walking baby cookers, insisting that the well-being of an embryo or fetus is more important than the person carrying it.

The most recent example of this is Ohio’s “Heartbeat Bill,” which would prohibit abortions under any conditions — including rape and incest — once the heartbeat of a fetus can be detected. This typically occurs around six weeks into the gestation process when many women who have irregular periods might not even know they’re pregnant.

And why would women get the far-fetched idea that the election results would in any way impact their reproductive health? Maybe because the Ohio Senate president specifically mentioned that even though the Heartbeat Bill had failed before they were going to try to pass it again, feeling emboldened by Trump’s election. In other words, even though people thought the bill was unconstitutional before, he’s optimistic that things may go his way this time because support for Trump is indicative of apathy toward women’s bodily autonomy. And this is before he’s even been sworn in.

More: 2016 has been a crappy year for women, and we’re only five months in

So ladies, take it easy this weekend. Have a glass of wine and take a sensual bubble bath — your uterus will be just fine. It’s just the rest of your body you need to worry about.

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