Skip to main content Skip to header navigation

Sorry, but not having kids as soon as we’re married doesn’t make us selfish

Gabbi Byrd

I realized very quickly that when you get married, people really want you to have babies. Conversations would get awkward when I’d tell people that I didn’t know if I wanted children anytime in the foreseeable future. So, I started equivocating and said, “Maybe in a couple of years.” This gave them hope and gave me more time. But in actuality, I would prefer to ride out waiting for kids for as long as I could if nature was on my side. God knows how to pair people, because my husband feels the same way as I do and for all the same reasons.

More: To be honest, there’s plenty I regret about my wedding

1. Our jobs suck

When I get home each day, I’m physically and emotionally drained as a teacher. My husband works at the same school and he coaches there. I don’t think that many people realize how real the struggle is for teachers. I work harder than my peers in other professions for much less pay. On top of the low pay – school politics, an asinine observation system, redundant professional development, and working with delusional people who expect you to live and breathe teaching when you literally don’t make enough to do that, takes a toll on you. After six years of teaching (especially in North Carolina), I’d recommend others not do it. I’m blessed to have a job, but God has shown me many times to not stop striving for something different.

2. Traveling with kids doesn’t appeal to me

This statement sounds horrible, but it’s really not. We just want to go on a few more adult-only vacations together before we add kids to the mix. I know that even when we have kids and someone agrees to watch them while we go on vacation, it won’t be the same because we will worry about them.

3. Time is short

I’ve always prayed that I will be able to stay at home with my babies when I have them. Plenty of mothers work outside of the home and they love it and their kids are fine, I just don’t want to. My mom stayed at home with us and when she did go back to work, she worked at the school we attended. I want that (minus the school part). My ideal situation would consist of running my business from home full-time. I understand that that’s still at lot of work, but it’s a compromise and work that doesn’t drain my soul. I don’t want to lose myself in the process of mothering.

4. Money

Before having kids we both want to be financially secure. People tell us we will never have enough money, but those people didn’t plan for their kids. I know people who did and their baby experiences were much easier.

5. We like our freedom

Some nights between 11:00 p.m. and 1:00 a.m. one of us will suggest going out. We love our late-night adventures together and we’re not ready to give that up yet.

When we tell things like this to some people (especially older, non-millennials) they will say that we’re selfish. That’s one of my favorite arguments, and I wish more people would be selfish with their life before dedicating it to others. Being selfish is actually pretty awesome. Taking time to work on myself, get an education, experience spiritual growth, build my career, travel, and love my husband really hard are all things that I would not trade for anything at this point in my life.

More: 4 ways to keep your bridesmaids from hating your guts before the wedding

Society tries to pressure couples into believing that they’re not a family until children are in the mix. We’re not falling for it. At this point in our lives together, we are genuinely happy and believe that God will lead our steps when the time comes to change things. Until then we’ll continue making our foundation stronger with just the two of us (and hopefully a puppy soon) and we’ll have fun while doing it!

More: Why I’m not afraid to use weed in front of my kids

Leave a Comment

Comments are closed.