I’m sick of reading stories that sound like my mother telling me, “It’s bad to ghost people. Period.” The more I read about the downside of ghosting, the more out of touch these so-called “experts” appear to be. If you’re dating in 2016, you’ve come to learn that not everyone warrants your time and many don’t need to hear your own personal reasons why you think they suck. While I agree that if you’re in a committed relationship the other person deserves a conversation, the boundaries of what is “owed” stop there. If your relationship has no definition, you have not yet agreed to be exclusive or you need to phase out some rando on Bumble, then I say, by all means, ghost away!
I liken it to a stalker. If you encounter a stalker, what you’re supposed to do is shut off all communication. Don’t even say, “Stop calling” or “Boy, bye” because any exchange can be viewed as encouragement. Someone with an unhealthy sense of social interaction will hear the words you say as interest. Whether it’s negative (“Crawl back into your hole, loser.”) or positive (“Please leave me alone.”), it will be interpreted by a sick mind as a challenge you’ve set up. Psychos love to rise to the occasion.
So how do you know if someone you’ve had a date or two with has the potential to be a stalker? You don’t, and that’s my point. Better to be thought mean than to become a target. Women in general are too polite, and we usually feel that we owe some dude an explanation as to why we don’t want to see him ever again, when the truth is if he wasn’t feeling it, he’d probably ghost us and never look back.
Here is when you should ghost him, guilt-free:
You sense he’s full of rage and it’s coming your way
When Charlize Theron allegedly ghosted Sean Penn, nobody said “boo” about it because Penn’s rage-filled behavior is well documented. He has proven himself to be someone who doesn’t deal very well with conflict. Now, imagine you’ve had two dates with Sean Penn Jr. and you sense he’ll fly off the handle. Do you really want to be on the receiving end of that?
You never met IRL
Some guy you swiped right on and started an online convo with, no matter how personal or sexy it got, does not need to hear why you’re not interested in a meet up. It’s more hurtful to tell him that you’re not interested — or why you’re not — than to just move on. Besides, do you really think you’re the only one he’s been talking to?
Your first date was HORRIBLE and you know there will never be a second one
Maybe he yelled at the waiter, was rude to an Uber driver or texted all through dinner. Whatever the reason, you know that there will not be a second date. Don’t put him in the awkward position of having to ask and hearing you say the inevitable “no.”
You’ve only had a handful of dates
Until you both agree not to date anyone else, assume he’s dating everyone else. So, if by date five you realize there’s no connection between you, it’s OK to ghost him. He’ll be fine.
The general ghosting rule is that if the guy isn’t for you, he may be perfect for someone else. You don’t need closure with someone you were never serious with. There’s no call for hurting someone’s feelings. You will only make him feel more insecure the next time around. Ghost him and let him go find the girl who loves his road rage and his terrible table manners.