If you aren’t yet pregnant but aim to be soon, you might be surprised to know that hosting a fetus in your womb can bring sensations that are not always nurturing and sweet — but often deeply carnal and sensual. To put it bluntly, lots of pregnant ladies are horny AF, especially after the second trimester begins. Yes, mom, it’s OK to play the whore and not the Madonna while you wait for your baby to show up. Babeland, here you come.
I spoke to Madison Young, feminist porn purveyor, mom and author of the new book The Ultimate Guide to Sex Through Pregnancy and Motherhood: Passionate Practical Advice for Moms (Cleis Press, 2016). She told me all about the many creative ways moms-to-be can safely incorporate sex toys into their pregnancies.
The most important information Young shared with me is that all pregnant women are different — there’s no hard-and-fast rule for what you’ll feel during your own nine-month journey. Some will spend the first trimester vomiting and hating life, while others will start glowing ethereally shortly after implantation. It just depends on you and your hormones.
And it’s the same for your sex drive — you might feel hornier than you ever have in your life, or you might not want anyone to touch you… or to touch yourself, at least for stretches of your pregnancy. But if you’re one of those aforementioned horny AF pregnant ladies, you’ve got loads of options for orgasms.
Remember that communication is key, and not just with your partner, according to Young. “It’s important to have a midwife or OB-GYN throughout your pregnancy, one that you feel comfortable talking with about your sexual practices.”
There is a lot of myth and confusion when it comes to using sex toys internally while preggers. The good news, according to Young, is that, “For most women who are low-risk and don’t have any medical complications that arise during pregnancy, sex toy usage either internally or externally should not be problematic.”
But there are some caveats. It is true that bacterial infections are more serious and dangerous for pregnant women, and that with careless use, such infections can be introduced via the use of sex toys.
According to Young, condoms can protect you from potential infection. “Use safe-sex barriers with your sex toys, like condoms on your dildos and vibrators, to keep them clean and help prevent the spread of bacterial infection.”
She also recommends checking the materials that your toys are made of. “Make sure that the toys you are using are nonporous. If your toys are porous, bacteria can get trapped in the toy. Nonporous materials include silicone, stainless steel and glass toys. To ensure that toys are fully cleaned and sanitized after use, you can boil a pot of water and throw in your silicone dildos to kill any bacteria.”
If you’re not aware of what your older toys are made of and they appear to be some kind of flexible, hardened plastic, there’s a good chance they contain phthalates — dangerous chemicals you want nowhere near your nether regions, pregnant or not. Throw them away, or even better, find a place to recycle them.
If you’re not craving internal stimulation, but definitely in the mood for solo sex, there are some incredible external, clitoris-focused toys available. Since I wrote my last piece about sex toys for this column, I’ve discovered the Womanizer, which is a dramatically life-changing, mind-blowing sex toy (whether you’re pregnant or not). It uses technology that creates a kind of “sucking” motion using air, bringing fast, super-intense orgasms. This is one that you’ll keep around long after the baby comes — one that you’ll be able to use even during your very limited private mommy time.
Sex tips for each trimester
Trimester one: Anything except nipple clamps! Young says, “Playing with a blindfold can really amplify your experience even more and add a kinky flair to your pregnancy that can keep your relationship steamy.”
Trimester two: “Indulge in sensual oils, massage candles (I love the ones in which the candle wax actually turns into a massage oil!) — on thighs or breasts.”
Trimester Three: “This is a great time to really pull out the vibes like the Magic Wand. I also love G-spot stimulation during third trimester, like with the NJOY or a curved Lucite toy. A liberator sex wedge can also really be helpful in supporting you in sex positions with your partner in late pregnancy.”