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You have permission to skip sex on your wedding night

Wedding night sex. It’s supposed to be the stuff of porn movies and sex fantasies, but the reality is often quite different. Sex expert Tracy Cox explored the reasons people may choose to abstain on the “big night” and it sure makes a lot of sense.

When my husband and I got married 13 years ago, we both felt enormous pressure to “do it.” My husband loved the idea of taking off my wedding dress and thought it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Meanwhile, by the time we got back to the hotel, I needed it off immediately, unzipped it myself, and dropped it to the floor. So much for that romance.

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We had taken a bottle of Champagne from the wedding venue and planned to take a bath while drinking it, but I was already a bit nauseous from drinking so much earlier (and not eating) so the hot bath, Champagne combo made me a little woozy. We ended up starting in the bath and then took it to the bed. It felt like a bit of a half-hearted effort and after a year of living together and two years of dating and having sex, it was not even close to one of our better times together.

We are not alone with our lackluster performance.

More than half of married British couples (52 per cent) don’t end up consummating the marriage on their wedding night, according to a survey by British lingerie brand Bluebella. Their reasons varied. Too drunk. Too tired. A fight. With so many couples getting married after living together for years and having loads of sex prior to their wedding, it makes sense that there is no major incentive. After all, we are hardly virgin brides who can’t wait to do the deed.

For me, the pressure was too much. So, to help others avoid these same feelings, there is this: I officially grant you permission to skip wedding night sex. You heard it here first, people!

I can assure you that after 13 years of marriage, sex just keeps getting better. If you skip wedding night sex, it’s no great loss. Have it in the morning. Or the next night. Or five times a day on your honeymoon. It’s incredible. There is so much time for great sex. If mediocre sex is OK with you, then maybe go for it on your wedding night. But if you’d like your first time to be special, fireworks and all, maybe save it for the night after.

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Good sex always trumps obligatory. Every time. You have permission to just go to bed.

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