I’ll say it loud and I’ll say it proud: I use a menstrual cup. I first adopted my Diva Cup about a year ago and it’s changed my life — no more tampons, no more leaking, fewer change-outs, to name just a few things.
But, like with anything, it’s not without a learning curve. The first few times it got stuck behind my pubic bone (I think) and I had to lie down on my bathroom floor to fish it out. It was a bit traumatic, but my experience is nothing compared to one Redditor’s first foray into the world of menstrual cups.
“A few months ago, I invested in a menstrual cup, a squishy silicone cup you shove up a woman’s lovely bits to collect her monthly donations to hell itself,” user mamashi wrote.
When her time of the month came around, she “pushed that slippy little thing up me just as every YouTube video had instructed me to. Folded it like an origami crane, straddled the toilet like the strong cowgirl I was, and twisted and adjusted this little silicone device that was supposed to change my menstrual life for the better.”
But instead, it got stuck.
“Remember when I didn’t take my anatomy into consideration? Well apparently I had a VERY high cervix and this cup had shimmied it’s way as deep inside of me as an item could go,” she continued, adding that her “tiny baby fingers” only grazed the tip of the (long) stem.
Her flow is very heavy, so her bathroom soon turned into a “murder scene” as she tried to remove it. “I started searching what to do on the Internet. Some people recommended ‘birthing’ the cup. Others said to take a warm bath or shower, to relax my inner muscles. Yeah, no. I was just wet, bloody, sore, and frustrated.”
She had no other choice but to enlist the help of her boyfriend.
“In the most non-sexual and clinical manner, I stood bottomless in front of my partner,” she continued. “We discussed a plan of action.”
She spread her legs as wide as she could as he tried to grasp the cup and eventually their teamwork paid off. “With the power of love and total understanding, and with his much larger fingers, aided by my pushing, my boyfriend managed to reach inside of me and pull the damned menstrual cup out,” she said. “I think in that moment, I realized I was never going to achieve a deeper level of intimacy with any other man ever.”
She said they’re still together and laugh about the whole thing now, much like you do any crazy situation that seems like the end of the world at the time.
This’ll be a great story to tell at their inevitable wedding, right?