Two classic kids’ games — choosing a superpower and cheekily adding “in bed” to the end of any sentence — take on a very adult meaning when you put them together.
Superheroes are having a moment right now thanks to all the Marvel and DC shows, merch, movies, spinoffs and spinoffs of spinoffs. Adults can get their comic book fix and still look cool, which may be the first time ever those two things have coexisted. And, as any grown superfan knows, there are two givens: Everyone wants to be a superhero (or supervillain), and everyone wants to sleep with one.
Neither of those things is an option in real life (sorry), but there are plenty of ways to use your fantasy to make your real love life supercharged. So in honor of Superhero Day (oh yes, that’s a thing), here’s my list of the sexiest superpowers:
Isn’t this everyone’s first answer to the “what superpower” question? (After eliminating the idiotic “make unlimited money” answer, of course.) Because flying is just fun.
Sex it up: Two words — sex swing. Or if you’re not feeling that adventurous (or you can’t drill holes in your ceiling), you could always do a little make-believe Mile High Club action.
2. Mind reading
Personally I’d never want this superpower, as I’m already highly neurotic, and actually knowing what everyone thinks about me would drive me insane. But I understand why some people would dig being the holder of all the secrets.
Sex it up: Trying to read your partner’s mind about what they want in bed can be super frustrating instead of superhot, so instead, give each other clues. It’s like playing “hot or cold,” except the payoff is way better than finding the penny your brother hid.
3. Shooting lasers from your fingers
There’s something seriously sexy about a woman who is both hot and lethal.
Sex it up: The Hello Touch is a nifty gadget that combines the best of technology and touch. While it doesn’t actually shoot lasers, it will definitely make your partner light up. Doesn’t hurt that Gizmodo called it the lovechild of Tony Stark and Jon Ive. Hawt.
They say when you lose one sense, the others are heightened! If you can’t see your partner, you’ll just have to find them by touch, smell or taste.
Sex it up: Real-life invisibility isn’t a thing. Yet. (I have faith in you, NASA.) So in the meantime, use the old-fashioned invisibility cloak: blindfolds.
Nothing can hurt you!
Sex it up: OK, reality check — lots of things can hurt you. But pretending to be invincible would be a good way to get you to try something that’s normally way out of your box. Stumped? Try one of those ridiculous Cosmo sex positions. If nothing else, you’ll get a good laugh. Or venture into the world of BDSM with a safeword place.
6. Time travel
Allowing the past and the future to be a part of the game really broadens your sexy time options — especially when it comes to costumes and plotlines — not to mention you can go back and relive a great orgasm over and over.
Sex it up: Ask your partner their ultimate fantasy from when they were younger, and then make that blast from the past happen. Although, be prepared that there is a 90 percent probably it will involve Princess Leia’s metal bikini and/or a Furby. Or envision a future where you’re the last two people on Earth. Bonus points for reusing your epic cosplay outfit from Comic-Con.