Not everyone believes in the concept of soulmates, but almost all of us want to spend our lives with someone we’re compatible with and truly love. The tricky thing is, knowing you are with the right person isn’t always crystal clear.
If you’re currently in a relationship and wondering if your partner is “the one,” ask yourself these questions. Be honest and answer with your gut and your intuition.
1. Do I love and accept who they are now?
If you think you can change someone you can’t — sure, maybe you can get them to try sushi or a yoga class, but as the saying goes: “You can’t change the spots on a leopard.” Ask yourself if the person they are in the present works for you long-term.
2. Do I feel authentic?
You don’t want to feel that you can’t be you and hold back feelings, the way you like to act, your desire to socialize or the need for time alone. You shouldn’t have to hold back or pretend or be the person you think they want you to be. This isn’t a movie and you’re not acting out a role! This is your life.
3. Do we have chemistry?
If they don’t make your heart go pitter-patter when they kiss you or as you get more intimate, take note. You can’t create chemistry. It’s natural, organic and you simply have it or you don’t. Sex isn’t everything, but physical intimacy is important, and if you don’t have it, it could lead to infidelity!
4. Am I showing any self-destructive signs?
Are you filling yourself up with food, drink, sleeping too much, losing your sense of self, and friends and family are repeatedly asking “Are you all right?” based on your demeanor and physical appearance?
5. Am I settling?
It would be wonderful to have someone to settle down with, put your head on his or her shoulder and breathe, but he or she needs to be the right one, not just “someone.” You don’t need to settle — the right person is out there. Be patient and don’t go back to a past possibility who didn’t do it for you last time. Move on to meeting new people and continue to believe in yourself. You will find someone when it’s right. You deserve it and better!
6. Is my gut telling me it’s wrong?
Don’t ignore that nagging feeling you have in your gut a majority of the time when you’re together or thinking about them — it’s speaking volumes about your comfort levels.
Originally published April 2016. Updated January 2017.